SpineshankTool

The land of unknown
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2001-09-18 20:40:26 (UTC)

Bulldozer

just a few minutes ago, two dudes by the name of Chris
and Matt, left. so far, they are my only friends at that
school. their pretty cool guys. Matt reminds me a lot of
Dustin. very strange and talks in accents. Chris also
seems like Dustin. but has a little Pablo in him too.
here's the story. as we got off the bus (all three of us
are at the same bus stop) Chris asked me where i live
and if he would be able to come over. i told him the
address and said he could come over. so he said he'll
bring Matt with him. maybe fifteen minutes later, they
arrived. we played the guitar, keyboard, Dreamcast.
neither of them knew very much on the guitar. it was
kinda fun. i tried to show more of myself while they were
here. i think that's what helped make it more fun. Matt is
just down the street and Chris isn't that far either. so, i
finally have friends. only 2, but i'm working on it. also,
something happened last night. in a dream. i think i
know now, i cannot let go of my feelings for Kitty. i was
REAL close to finally moving on, but then i had a dream.
and she was in it of course. but we had fun in my
dream. and it reminded me why i love her so much. i
think it was some part of me that was sending the rest
of me a message: "STOP TRYING TO GET OVER
HER!!!" i was real close too. i was accepting the fact
that we were just great friends. i mean, i know i mean a
ton to her. even though sometimes it seems like i don't
think i mean much. but i know i do. and i was slowly
accepting that. but then that dream reminded me how
much i really love her and i cannot let go. it's not that i
don't want to, not that i do, but i can't. i've tried several
times now. life has put so much between us, but as i
start to get over her, the rest of me that refuses to,
sends me the message. i just can't. i know she doesn't
feel the same, but there is something that will not allow
me to move on. and there for, i won't. i want to be
everything to her. she says she can't feel the kind of
love that i have for her anymore. i will show her how. i
will fix what all those guys broke in her.


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