Reality Check
2001-09-18 20:21:59 (UTC)


The other week my friend Danielle gave me a yellow jacket.
I heard it gave you energy, so i took it. It made me feel
like shit....but the next day i asked for another. and
pretty soon it started feeling kinda good, but it always had
a right away side effect of feeling like shit. but i still
keep asking for them. it's like i have to take them. i don't
even know exactly what they do. today i asked for two. i was
going to take one today and one tomorrow. but i took one at
lunch, then i looked at my hand at the other one. i was
thinking, since one doesn't give me that much energy, i'll
take two. after 3rd period, i was so energetic...and late
for class. when i got there, i was talking so fast and i
couldn't stop moving and i just had so much energy, and i
couldn't do anything about it. suddenly my whole body just
started shaking. i put my head down to rest, and closed my
eyes. my friend anastasia wouldn't let me sleep, she kept
poking me to make sure i was awake. she said she was afraid
if i went to sleep i wouldn't wake up. the room started
spinning. i figured if i opened my eyes it would stop. it
didn't. it got worst. all of a sudden i just started crying.
i kept getting hot then cold. i couldn't stand up. anastasia
tooke me to the bathroom. i cried for a little while. i was
freaking. i sat down on the floor for a while. then when i
got up and was walking out of the bathroom i passed out.
just like that. i hit my head. i woke up just a couple of
seconds later... with a migraine. when i went to class i
just couldn't stop crying for some reason. i was supposed to
go to drill practice but i couldn't. i could barely walk.
bonnie let me lean on her and sleep. then i laid down on the
floor on the bus and slept. i feel so bad. i feel like i
could pass out at any minute. i feel so sick. and the only
thing i keep thinking about is getting more tomorrow. that
scares me. i'm not someone to get addicted to things easily.
jimmy's worried about me. i told him i'll be fine. but i
just don't know. i don't know what's happening to me lately.
i'm depressed 24/7, and i'm doing so many drugs. i've done
drugs off and on before, but never this bad. i'm scared.