Nowhere man please listen. . . .
January 31, 2003
Soooooo matts officially 17. Since two days ago. Yay.
But he is bein such a dick.
Ok, the day of his birthday (wednesday) i was in a
really weird mood. I did NOT ferget that it was his
birthday, i just fergot to tell him happy birthday. And i
could tell he was tryin to talk to me like all that day-
but i ignored him on purpose, making me ferget to wish him
a happy birthday.
So he IMed me online n i talked to him then. And i
wished him happy birthday and all that good stuff. But he
has a one track mind (i have a three track mind, beatles,
matt and sex, and the first two sort of go with the last
one- lol) And so we started having one of our usual, yet
very *interesting* conversations. We were talking fer
like 2 and a half hours. And he started sayin all this
shit like- Oh i really want you. And i was like- yeeeea
and I want you two, you know i do. He was just sayin all
this shit about he wants me, he was like u dont understand
bla bla bla. And i think its HIM who doesnt undstand- i
want him so badly.
But it just felt so good to have him say it back to
me. So its not like he doesnt want anything to do with
me. He claims to WANT me and all this other kinky shit.
It was strange- but u know i liked it. :)
But the next day he hardly talked to me at all. I saw
him at his locker and we made really awkward small talk.
I was like, OKAY WAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THIS???
And he didn't talk to me AT ALL today. :( It
depressed me so much. And the thing that sux the most is
i dont know wat i should think. I know, and he knows, and
the whole damn school knows that he's the only guy i think
about. Hes been the only one n prolly will continue to be
the only one fer a long while if he keeps talkin to me the
way he does. But i know i'm not the only girl he thinks
about. I KNOW i'm not. n i prolly never will be. n i
OH GOD IT SUX SOOOO MUCH!!!
It just hurts so badly. It hurts so much.