Within Lily's Eyes
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2003-01-31 19:46:23 (UTC)

So much Pain

I have these friends in school named Jacqui, Victoria and
Christine. Well Jacqui has been annoyed with me for afew
days now and so I asked her what was bothering her and
today she tells me that I should back off Victoria, because
I was always borrowing notes and that kind of stuff.

Now I can understand what she meant and why and I was
already planning to. And Jacqui was even nice enough to
word it nicely as possible for me. But I still feel so
terrible. My heart is literally aching just knowing that I
have been hurting my friends like that.

I feel so badly that I could just cry. I mean I feel so
worthless just knowing that I hurt Victoria like that. I
have tried really hard to be a good friend: I have curved
my anger as best as I could, I have tried to keep my
violence from letting loose, and all this shit. But it
seems like it was no use.

And it just bothers me so badly knowing what I did to
Victoria and just hearing how angry and annoyed Jacqui was.
And then reading Jacqui's deadjournal... that just makes me
think she doesn't want to be my friend. I guess after "the
plans" for Jacqui are over with, I will just leave her
alone for good. I don't want to but after reading her
entry, I know when someone doesn't want to be my friend
anymore. I just hope Victoria and Christine won't be as
hurt as I am after reading that.

Well I have to go now.

The Unwanted

"you're ryuuzaki umi! at first glance, you might
come across as selfish or uncaring; however, you are a
actually a very sensitive person who is
easily hurt. you have a tendency to be a bit bossy, but
your loved ones do not mind because you care so deeply for
them. people who never get to know you consider you a snob,
but your friends know otherwise. you love to cook and your
natural element is water."
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