just me...
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2003-01-31 16:34:01 (UTC)

that deep down hurt in my heart...

this week has really been something else. well, i don't
really remember how it started off, but just recently,
like wednesday and got super bad...
yup...on wednesday, i went to get my nails done and kris
came with me and we were supposed to go to the gym... but
by the time i had gotten done, it was that time of the day
when the gym fills up. yea, so we got into a stupid
argument cuz we were both having our days... so we didn't
talk to each other for quite a while, and so we caught a
cab and came back to my house and we were lying in my bed
not really saying anything to each other or touching each
other at all really. don't remember how, but we started
talking a little bit, and he kris was holding me. and i
was layin there in his arms, and i had my arm in between
his chest and mine..only because, when it wasn't there and
i was holding him, it hurt. it's that feelin deep down in
your chest, like your heart is hurtin. yea...and so i
ended up crying because i felt like he didn't really care
too much about me and that the relationship was kinda
doomed ya know? but things worked out and we were ok.
THEN the next day, something similar happened. i went
over to his house and he was walkin in front out in front
of me and he was just kinda he was frustrated
with me... and so we got to his house and he sat like on
the other side of the couch and we were just kinda
distanced. but then as usual he ended up coming over and
apologizing for what happened. and i was ok for a little
bit, but then, i started crying again. and it hurt
again. it's the worst feeling in the world!! it's a pain
deep down, like every inch of your heart is just being
squeezing tight and...just crying. i hated feeling like
he didn't care...cuz kris means the world to me. and
feeling like he doesn't care about me, makes me feel like
i have nothing, and i just feel empty..worse than empty...
so we ended up talking about it, and we were both scared
because we had been fighting for two days straight, and so
we were both scared that ya know...we were gonna lose each
other. yup... doesn't sound too bad when i talk about it,
but it was perdy darn painful and horrible for me to go
thru! i love kris with all my heart...and he means
everything to me. so i'm just prayin that he won't ever
come to the point where he's had enuff... cuz i don't know
what i'd do without him...

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