2001-09-18 15:26:23 (UTC)


It's me again here to write in my journal. I have
been nervous all week because of my test in psychology. I
got my test back and I had a 80 so that wasn't too bad
considering I didn't study.

Me and Kim went to wal-mart yesterday. Sometimes I
just think alot and don't conversate much. Alot of the
times I feel alone. I'm not used to opening up and telling
someone how I feel. I have had many girlfriends but never
opened up. It is just hard right now. It will just take
time though. I hope I don't goof up. I just have some
personal things to sort out and I will be fine. She talks
sometime about her own house and it sounds nice. I also
wish I had my own house. I have never spent the night with
a girl much less lived with one so I wonder what it would
be like. I'm sure it has its advantages and disadvatages.

I want to talk to her all night until we fall asleep
but we are in college and she works. At the same time I
don't want to over do it that quick, besides we have our
whole life. I don't know if it is true but you know how
the newness starts to wear off and you start to not talk as
much and not want to see eachother as much. It might not
be because you don't want to but just because you have
things that have to be done. In the begining you neglect
things that you shouldn't in order to talk or see that
person. I am not saying that it's bad but I can see the
stages that we are going through. You can't avoid them
anyway because they are inevidable or however you spell it.

I know I am writing a long journal entry. Alot is on
my mind though. I saw one of my ex's a while ago. I
didn't say anything but I know she saw me. She always lied
to much I hate when a girl lies or anyone for that matter.
She hid alot of things from me that I didn't have to know
but yet when i asked I expected the truth. The whole
relationship was mostly about sex though. We both knew
it. Sometimes she would cry and tell me I was mean to her
and I swear I wasn't but it was apart of her plan just to
make-up. She also lied and said she was pregnant. I told
her that I would bring her a test and we would take it
together just like we did it together and later on she
called me and admitted to it and cried. I knew right then
it was over. If you do not have trust you do not have a
relationship. I have about four or five ex's that go to
college here. We are still all friends though. One I talk
to every once in a while to get girl advice. She is really
cool. She is in my psychology class. We don't talk in
there though. We were not meant to be boyfriend and
girlfriend just friends. I am so happy to have met Kim.
We have alot in common to talk about on the phone. I just
really enjoy listening to her voice if nothing else. Well
I better get off and check my mail before I chew the leggs
off this table. I will close for now.


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