Kitten's deams
Ad 3:
2003-01-31 04:39:58 (UTC)


You know
Those moments
When something
It's all just
gone. nothingness
sanity why
That feeling when
you know
it's not
is anymore but then it's
that moment in the shower
when all the water
to cover your ears
that moment when the
water is
rushing and there is simply nothing
but then you lean
your head back
and you are back.

We live for those moments of oblivion. They let us be
ourselves. Our souls are compleatly bare for a few moments
in time. We have them every moment. They aren't that
unusual. We hardly notice them, but what would happen?
What would happen if all of a sudden they were gone? How
many of those who say that they don't need anything like
that. Black, nothing. we all need it. Why do tharapists
feel that they have the privledge to prey on your soul?
They ask questions that they know will hurt. They don't
realize that I have faced the fact that I need thease
moments of darkness, compleat blank. Not a new sheet of
paper blank, but a black hole. I'm never allowed to write
when I need to. I need to hear the tap of the keys. I
can't write on paper the same way I do here. Paper is for
stories. Not my soul. This is better a new world. Filled
with taps and letters and numbers. Who doesn't want to be
a different person. I know I certainly like to become who
I really am. No one can find this but you. And you don't
know me. Now I can be myself, or, if I choose, I can be
whoever I want to be. I try not to think of him. But he
is there. I comeinto a moment of oblivion and I can feel
him. I didn't want him to. He doesn't know that he does
it. James Bond. I love him. Not the man on TV. The man
in my life. Yes he shares this interesting name with the
man of mystery. Of course James is his middle name, but
for thease purposes I am going to keep his first name to
myself He wrote me the other dy. I don't know what to do?
Should I tell him how I realy feel. It's been a month and
a half since he broke up with me. It only took me two
weeks to get over Patrick. But then I know that I was just
having a brain lapse with him. This is different. I've
never beenso hung up on a boy. For a description see the
previous entries. I'm seventeen and I like to have mements
of compleate oblivion. I am nobody here. The only
identity I have, is Kitten.