Homosexuality and Don't get so close to me
so i was in my group today for marketing. all was going
well, they were discussing their shit and i interjected
with one of my own conjectures. mostly i just say
something in a group so that i don't get that dumbass
bullshit of "why are you so quiet?"
why am i so quiet?
because you all are always talking. unless i have
something really edifying to say (which i almost never
have), i keep my fucking mouth shut and listen to the
ingenious ideas of my group members. it went the usual
way, and i was letting my mind drift to the thoughts of
beauty. you know how they say that if everyboyd
were "beautiful" we couldn't really define beauty any more
because we wouldn't have ugly as a comparison? but i
think that's ridiculous. i mean think of how arbitrary our
views on beauty are now. why do some people perceive some
as beautiful and others as not? why is someone ugly? i
mean why do we prefer toned bodies to fat flabby ones
(well the majority of us do). i mean naturally men are
drawn to women with small slender noses, and large eyes,
since these are two features that suggest that they are
young and in other words fertile. women are attracted to
men through their height, physique, and high cheek bones.
of course there's also the intelligence and personality
but i'm looking at it solely from a physical standpoint
(or if you'd like superficial).
anyhow, there i am concluding that if everybody looked
like heidi klum and that was all we knew, we would not
believe her to be "not pretty" just because we don't have
rosie o'donnell as comparison. so as i'm thinking this
the guy's leg next to me touches mine.
now i dn't know if you've seen that commerical (i think
it's pepsi) where the guys are watching football and
accidentally touch each other and pull away quickly. well
that's instinctive to most guys. so i quickly jerk away
and give the incredulous "did you mean to do that look?"
he was looking the other way so i didnt' think much of it.
until his hand brushed mine. now that's treading a fine
fucking line, this time i had to do the "lean-in,
incredulous, *ahem* movement", and what he did next didn't
help at all. he smiled. ugh talk about creepy, i could
already see the dicks falling out of his mouth and anus.
of course in my instinctive homophobia, i started to
notice his relative distance to me compared to others, and
started to wig out. i shifted further to the right, and
as i slid my hand i got a deep ass paper cut, as i watched
it bleed, sir-sux-a-lot-of-dick says, "oooooo that looks
like it hurts". yeah it was time to get the fuck out of
there. thankfully group time or meet your gay business
major buddy hour ended, and he stayed where he was. i
didn't get that at all, and it started freaking me out. i
mean shit he moved here he can move his ass back to the
other side of the room, to the san francisco side.
anyhow as he sat there he nudged me and said, "so what do
you think of katie's tits?"
alright!!! redeeming quality, he's hetero!!! or is
to be continued.