GCcHiK4LiFe5

My life:My words
2003-01-30 23:53:01 (UTC)

My life:the biginning

Dear Journal.
This is the first time i am ever doing sumthing liek
this an its mainly becouse im a writer an i write books
and poems but sum how i kant keep a journal in a notebook
an i think this will b better.I also made this public in
case sum1 feels the same way i do about my life an wants
to share sumthing with me.were to start ahh i kno....
It all started about a month in a half ago bout a
week b4 winter break.I was the happiest person u kan ever
imagine an what happened was that I was in love.I had met
this great guy an i got to see him a lot we were perfect
for each other but we didnt go out bcuz he was still
deciding since we went to different schools and he myte be
shipped off to Mexico becouse of his grades etc. etc.When
I found out thta he was goign to move to Mexico i decided
to move on and try to forget about him it was hard but
with a little help from one of my guy friends Mike i did
it an i started going out w/ mike only to find out a
couple of days later that the guy,his name is brenndon,was
not going to mexico an that he was gonna ask me out but
then herd i had a boyfriend.That day i broke up with my
boyfriend mike and was happy that i myte finally b able to
go out w/ brenndon only to find out later that night that
he had/has a girlfriend.He told me that since he herd that
i had a bf he decided to move on an ask this girl from his
school out.Now i will tell you now i am not the kind of
girl that cryies i just dont do it.My guy friends kall em
really tough an stuff so ye i neva cried xcept when a very
close friend of myne died the year b4 but thats another
story i will tell later.So I started to cry! I,ME, person
who neva cries started bawling my eyes out an i kouldnt
stop he still wanted to b friends of course but i knew it
wouldnt b the same.That was the first time i had ever
cried over a guy in my whole life.I felt
stupid,vulrnable,week and yet i didnt tell any1 but a
couple of close friends.They understood of course but it
didnt help that much i felt very dumb.I realized that i
had fallen in love and that i cant control my actions.Now
everytime we see each other we are awkward an quiet, he is
still going out w/ that girl or as of wat i kno becouse i
havnt seen or talked to brenndon in over 2 weeks.I feel
liek i will never get over him an now becouse of him i am
not ready for a relationship an i dont liek any1 an i am
heartbroken.The funny thing is he dousnt kno,he dousnt kno
how i feel or thta i love him or that i kant stop thinking
about him even though i want to and it hurts to kno that
it will probably never b and that i am just another fool
in love. When a dear friend of myne died an i tried to
commit suicide i promised never to get close to sum1 never
to fall in love agien and now i did and now im paying for
it.Well journal i have probably bored u for today so i
will go i will write more tomorrow,bye.
P.S.i have put this jornal out for public becuz i feel
that i can not hide this anymore,i hide it from my parents
and a lot of other people and it is time people knew the
truth.More is coming.




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