Totally Consumed
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2003-01-30 22:12:49 (UTC)

nothing is ever as it seems (thursday)

5:12 PM

i was sick today but i went to school anways..shannon didnt
go. tomorrow im going to try and switch classes so i wont
have to be in classes with ryan. lets see..right now im
talking to shannon and i think hes getting mad so i should
go. ill try to write later

8:51 PM

yupp shannons mad at me. he said im a liar and i never kno wut im
talking about. he said he doesnt want to be friends with me. well
kick me while im down why dontchya?! i dont fucking need people to
sit there are tell me all the things that are wrong with me and then
say its all my fault! i kno im not the greatst person but *nobody*
deserves that. hes a great guy but he is obsessed with samantha. i
dont kno how kyle and tanner put up with that. i really dont want
shannon to get hurt-- causelong distance stuff usually doesnt work
out--but whatever he told me not to give him advice so i
was as boring as usual.i HATE this damn school. im so
tired of people saying stuff about my clothes. even when they are
joking i just wish they would shut up. i dont want my clothes to even
be a topic that people think about talking about. none of my girl
friends care..its only the guys. the only guy that hasnt said
anything to be about my clothes is shannon. (go figure) and now him
and i arent even talking. just grrreat. lives fucking hell. nobody
could possibly ever understand what im going through. i really want
to open peoples eyes up and let them kno that they are like 5 years
behind. its insane. they worry too much over here. they are too
sensative and demanding. u kno wut if they dont like me i could care
less. at least im not fake like some people. at least i dont get up
at 6 every morning to wash and curl my hair and practice my laugh and
worry about my complexion and if my make up is on right. and if
people are looking at me. i could care less if they are talking about just means they dont have anything better to do. like niki
said..i just dont have the blindness against reality that everyone
else does. everyone thinks im this dark evil person. but thats cause
they dont get to know me. its sickining to watch guys go out with
some of the girls at this school. almost none of them are down to
earth. i just want knock them off their fucking cloud. welcome back sucks. get over it. and to those guys who are going out
with girls like that..they arent what u think they are. and u kno it.

(if anyone has advice or anything to say just post it..even if u
already have)

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