2001-09-18 03:02:43 (UTC)

My first attempt at an online journal. Stellar.

Ok, so this is my first online journal thingy. I was
reading Di's online journal thing, and I thought it was
pretty sweet, so I decided to give it a try. So school has
started, and boy, does it suck. It's been 8 days and I'm
already over school. How long will I last? Cuz I need to
get A's, its important. Before it used to be like a chore,
like something my dad wanted, something I was diong for
him. I guess I never really realized it 'til now that I
want to get A's for myself. Pretty stupid, huh? At least
I've some to this realization, that I have to do it for
myself. How messed up. Anyways, I've been feeling so off
lately, it's weird. I feel frustrated and angry about
something, I don't know what it is. Maybe its school, but
whatever, I feel like something is not working, not
clicking or something. It's messed up. I don't even know
why I'm doing an online journal, maybe because I feel as if
I need to get release, or to express my thoughts. Wait,
maybe I'm doing it because I feel like I'm all twisted
around all upside down lately, and maybe this will make me
feel normal again, whatever normal is. I just wanna stop
feeling all anxious and...how to describe it...weird. I
don't know what else to call it. Whatever, let's hope
it'll pass. Wish I knew. Frustrating.

It's weird, I always think narcississtic (or however you spell it)
means something like, angry, or sad, or something depressing, but
it means that you're in love with yourself or something.