Crazy What You Could've Had
Mellon Collie But No Infinite Sadness
Been quite a tough day today, and not just the wather. Not
as 'fun' as I'd hoped, given that I was reviewing my
biblical knowledge and trying to spot things from the book
of Revelations (y'know, that whole Babylon is evil
thing)...well, it went quite well.
I bumped into an old friend outside the office, which is
always pleasant, especially with the ride I've given
myself about having lost said friend earlier this (ac)
year with a selection of incidents, both bizarre and
However, it was quite nice to see whether the flickering
flame of friendship could be rekindled. The conversation
was not exactly...inspired, shall I say. There's so much
water under the bridge since last we spoke, and it was
that difficult thing of neither person really sezing the
impetus. What can you do?
It was all a little melancholic for me, seeing just how
quickly people can grow apart, despite how much they still
know about one another (and that was evident from what was
talked about) it was sort of both of us 'knowing' what the
other was doing, but not knowing enough about what they
did to take the conversation further.
All this lamentation about 1 conversation? I think so,
yes. How can I express this better? I wanted so much more,
yet was relieved to see that we were both the same, and
maybe didn't want to ruin that. I could have been stupid -
on another day I probably would have been, and it was good
to see that not happen.
I'll always have something I should have said or done, but
just never felt inclined. It was all just a touch surreal.
Maybe I'll be able to move on, but this mood that I'm in
is exactly the same as it was in the same situation this
time last term - and that became tougher and tougher.
I don't know. (Yes I wrote exactly that last time).
Actually I do know. I only feel this melancholic because I
realise I've lost a good friend to a friendly face. Last
term it wasn't even a friendly face, but I know that now
at least. Rather a friendly face than a face, I think. And
I had no inclination to want anything other than a
friendly face, either. Maybe that was also part of the
Neither of us really pushed the conversation because both
of us knew there was no point. The common ground we once
shared is loss, the common knowledge ground out over time,
and we just don't see each other enough to warrant
If I'm wrong, and I misread it? Tough. You don't second
chances and I've blown it. I'll get over it. Seeing
someone once every three months and being a bit awkward is
no real problem, is it?
WILT? Chet Baker - Send In The Clowns