self destruction introduction
The eyes that you can't fake make me wanna faint.
Steph never called me yesterday. I think about it till I
make myself sick, I wish I could just switch off and not
care. I don't know how I feel. I'm scared of bumping into
her and letting her see how hurt I am. I guess she doesn't
Words are so cheap. She could say I love you and not mean
it. Lot's of people out there abuse those words. Maybe all
that stuff she told me was lies and she just laughs and
thinks how young and dumb I am. I don't really believe
that, I don't think.
I wonder if I shall see her this evening. If I don't if she
chooses to not see me then I shan't see her till next week.
One of my flatmates said if that happens I should drop her
and find somebody new.
But maybe I'm just projecting and because I felt
indifference towards her yesterday I know believe that she
is feeling the same about me. My flatmate said I'm too
demanding both as a girl and as a flatmate..perhapse also
as a girlfriend.
I've got a stupid meeting and then afterwards I'm meeting
my friend Janelle for drinking in the sun. We take our
drinking very seriously.
I hope Steph calls me or visits just so I can get out of
this suspended animation I'm trapped in. I hate love. it
makes me sick.