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2003-01-30 03:23:18 (UTC)

What to do....what to do...

I hate that I am living in the same house as my
parents.....my wrist is hurting because I just punched the
wall....all I did was ask my mom if I could take my movie
back to Blockbuster and she went haywire. So I did too!
She has been being so rude to me lately....I dont get
it...I have done nothing to deserve it...and its driving
me insane! Its like suddenly for the first time in my
life, she doesn't like me. Its like she has to take over
for my dad while he is gone, because i use to feel that
she was my best friend and now I dont know where to turn...

She wants me gone, she wants me out of her life....and I
bet you think I am overreacting but thats honestly how I
feel. And when I am gone, she never calls to see how I am
doing, its like she's glad that I am not there.....like
there isnt a peice of her missing. and I just cant
understand how someone can feel that way, especially your
own mother.

Its hard to move back with your parents after living on
your own for 3 years.....or at least away from them! I
feel like they are lashing out at me for the decision I
have made to stay home. and I know that it looks like I am
not going anywhere anytime soon, but I feel like I am
stuck! I dont know where to move, who to move with...or
where the money will come from. I am paying my loans right
now with the money I am making....and I would love to live
in Calgary again, but I cant afford to do it alone and I
dont want to go back to school to stop myself from paying
the loans. I have no one to live with.....especially
someone I wont fight with.

What do I do...Where do I go...Who do I turn to......I
have no answers for any of those....because lately I feel
like there just isnt anyone.....

This is another thought out moment....that plays on my
mind, that I thought I would write about....Talking it out
on here instead of trying to hold it in is all I really
have...I hate this feeling..............The feeling I try
and ignore every day......

Whats next?

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