The Glass Is Half Empty
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2003-01-30 02:40:23 (UTC)

Blah Blah Blah...

Thats all lifes been lately, is a bunch of blah blah blah..
I mean, there are times when things start going my way, but
ultimatly, this only foreshadows huge let downs, and going
from the highest of extremes, to an all time low. But then
again, I think I've adapted pretty well to this twisted
fate that seems to follow me through life, and learned
(possibly the most important thing in my entire life) That
life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% of how you respond
to it.

But that doesn't mean I don't alot on my mind, its just I
don't see the point that its all supposedly going to make
in the future, and wonder if I'll even remember it. For
one, I've been thinking alot about if we'll go to war, and
I don't care what happened on September 11th, or what
Iraqis are doing in their country, I don't see why we can't
just let them do their thing, as if it really concerns us.
Kind of like Veitnam, which I think was one of the most
pointless things in American history. I suppose I'm
selfish, which is one of the main reasons so many other
countries hate us, sure, it comes out of vanity and
jealousy for what we have and they lack, but they think
we're selfish assholes, and I admit we are, but why should
we give up what we've worked for... The American Dream. A
perfect *not even close, but its what we're supposed to be*
Nation, with justice, and values, and all the greatest
things in the world, because they can't keep their act

Also, as much as I hate to admit it, I've been thinking
alot about cheerleading. I'm kinda of trieing not to think
about it, only because I don't want it to become my life,
vulnerablity is never a good thing, and depending on
something like that to define me, will only end in
heartbreak. I always just thought I was doing this to get
out of gym, but when I go out there every day and try my
hardest to be what my coach and teammates want me to be,
despite how much I hate practicing, and quite honestly have
major issues with my team. But as it is, we've got Vicky
whos popped like half the blood vessels in her face, Emily
with pneumonia, Val with a fractured foot... and I can't
always double twist... now thats just great! I mean we've
all worked really hard, and for once I'm actually PROUD of
something I did, because there were so many times I wanted
to call it quits, but I fought it out to the end, and I
think that shows strength of character, and the little
something more that I've always wished I had.

Anyways... there is more than just that on my mind. Theres
Dave. Hmm... now look I realize I CHOSE to break up with
him. In all honesty, I think I went out with him mainly
because of all the trauma with James, and because I wanted
so much to be happy with someone else, cuz being alone and
happy isn't always the greatest thing. In fact its not
really anything unless you have someone to share it with.
But I thought after wanting him ALL THOSE YEARS you know I
could be happy with him, or learn to be at least. I wasn't
looking for the love of a lifetime, just something to ease
the pain. And I fear now I'm growing a concious becuase I
actually recognized it wasn't fair and broke up with him
and didn't cheat on him, or anything! *Yay for Jess*Cept
now, I hate how Schwink is always with him and like "I love
Dave" its like you don't know what you're talking about!
Uhhh.... I could just kill people, they should all leave my
ex's alone. Just like James, they should leave him alone

Oh, yah and Jarretts leaving soon... for college.. as in
far far away. And Ryan was accepted to GVSU, I was
suprised he actually applied, knowing you know how Eryn
would react, but I suppose theres a time for change, and
everything happens for a reason!

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