2001-09-17 19:49:55 (UTC)

hm... so much is going on. i..

so much is going on.
i feel like my head is just swirling around outside of my
i need sleep.
and i need a cigarette.
i felt like shit this afternoon.
but now things are better.
ive been really sad recently.
and im not sure why...
i miss some people.
and some people have come back into my life and its just
i dont understand.
why people leave and then come back.
but its the way it works i guess.
im always here for everyone i always have been.
you know.
time is such a strange thing.
but anyway..
im glad that things are better with emily and i now.
i was upset about it.
i really care about her a lot..
.you know.
and its almost nice to get upset like this sometimes.
because it shows that i care.
to myself.
you know.
and i think thats a good thing...
just as long as shit like this doesnt fucking happen often.
i know well be alright.
i have complete faith in us, and in her alone.
shes a great girl.
great person.
i love her with all of my heart.
its still weird to me that sandra called.
it was so much more than a phone call.
it was an end.
which was nice.
an end to the hate and pain
on my account anyway.
i dont think on hers.
shes still upset.
but, shell get over it.
im sure the fact that im fine now, was comforting for her.
i hope so anyway.
i want her to be happy.
a couple months ago.
just looking back on these entries..
a couple of months ago.
a phone call from her would have been such a different
thing in my mind.
im glad though.
im glad that she finally did what she did.
it fucking took her long enough. gr. heh.
but whatever. people feel things slowly sometimes.
i always seem to feel everything way too much and way too
sergio told me that there are many people like us.
and i know that hes right.
adrienne has told me the same thing...
guess im just doomed then huh
just another aspect of my life that has to be oh so
when im really not.
i just want to be happy.