my life, my love and my happiness?
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2003-01-29 21:59:03 (UTC)

What the fuck did i get my self in to?

i am a fucking ass hole. me and jihn desided yesterday
that we were ginna be ass holes and dive up to the lee
outlets just to look at this coat the i wanted a wilsons.
we both knew that neather of us was gonna get it for me
but we just though that it would be something to do to
pass the time of our borring lifes. so he was like ok well
call me when you wake up and i will come up to gwt you
when you are ready and we will go up there for the day. so
i got up at like 11:45 this morning and i ate some chicken
fingers and motz stcks and then i gave him a call. it
sounded like he was at sarahs house but he says he
wasent.... i dont know about that. and he was like well
sarah wants to go with us..... i was like hell fucking no
i do not wanna hang out with that bitch....i am gonna
freak out if i have to hang out with her. so he was like
ok that is fine what ever i will tell he that she cant go.
so what dose the stupid little bitch do she fucking wines
to him and is like why cant she hang out with me bla bla
bla. um dose the reason that me and john arnty going out
any more b/c of you mean anything? that should be a good
enough reason for all of us. and she says the he is the
one who broke up with me so none of it is here fault. well
you fucking cunt if you wernt in the picture then me and
him would still be to gether and i told him to tell her
that but he wouldnt so.... yeah then i let him go again
and like 10min later he calls back and is like she wont
stop bitching can you just try to deal with her for a
litte while?....i was like fine but if i am a bitvh i dont
want you to get pissed at me b/c i dont want to hang out
with her in the first place. so they show up here like 15
min later and john comes in and we leave. we are taking
her car and yeah. everything was fine we were talking a
litte about piercings and shit but then nothing untill we
got to the outlets and yeah we went in to the leather
store and i showed john the jacket she must think i am
fucxking crazy.... but what ever.... then i wanted to go
in to the gap out let and see if i could find anything for
10 dollers and yeah nothing but what ever. then we went to
the toy store and she wanted to look a stich stuff and me
and john always go right for the cars when we go in to a
toy store and she got pissed that i was following him but
what ever i really didnt care then we were all looking at
shit for a while and yeah./..... then we left and wentto
mcdonnalds and i wasent hungery b/c i had like 5 ciggs and
i was so pissed inside that i felt like i was gonna puke
if i did eat but john made me get something.... so i got a
happy meal and i ate like none of it but what ever...oh
and the stupid bitch payed for it on top of all that. then
we drove around looking at stupid shit and she was talking
about going were ever they are going in a week and she
said something about them going out. ok john told me like
times a milion times that they are not going out so i was
ready to fucking kill her or myself by this time and john
was like oh what is wrong and i just looked at him and
yeah she was singing this song i can thing of the name
rightn ow but ugg the one that goes .... i love you i hate
you i just cant live with out you... well ok it came on
the radio and the stupid fucking dyke sings it to him. oh
man!!!! we were on tal rd and i was just about to say
fucking pull the car over i will fucking walk from here.
ughhh then we get back to my house and i got out andf was
likie BYE!!!! and i stopmped into the house and john
followed me in and we talked... well screamed at each
other first then we talked about how i do not trust him at
all and that every other word out of his mouth to me is a
lie... and he was like no it isnt.... what ever if he
loves me and wants me so much why dose he fucking jie to
me? that is all i want to know....... i am so confused
right now b/c this shit hasent been bothering me latly and
this fucking messed with me so bad. i have no i dea ehat i
want. i really really never want to go back out with him
but i must want something.... i think i want the
satifaction of knowing that he dosent lie to me. i dont
want to go back out with him b/c i have an interest... a
big interest in someone else. i just want to know that me
and john can be good enough friends that he dosent have to
lie to me. he knows that i am the one person that will
never judge any thing that he dose and he still feels the
need to lie to me. why ? why do you have to lie to me when
you know that i will not make you feel like a piece of
shit for what you have done. yeah i might be a litte
lupset of pissed off for a min or two but i will get over
it. that is what friends do. i dont know i really think
the thing that hurts me the most is that he lies to me non
i gotta go think about alot of shit. oh PS - you know who
this is for... i dont even know if you read this or not
but.... i really want to see how things are going to go
for us.... and this has nothing to so with my desision
over what i want with you. right now i feel so good about
how things are going and i dont want anything to mess it
up. this whole situation...even if it dosent sound like
it... has to do with a friend.... a really good one lieing
to me and it hurts me so bad and i just dont know how to
deal with it. i hope you undrstand this and yeah....
im out later sk8ters
listing to: nofx

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