My Heart and Soul....
2003-01-29 20:21:37 (UTC)

A year without David....

I can't believe it's been a whole year....

Last year at this time I was getting VERY drunk with Sara....

this year, im sitting around, missing the hell out of the
kid that broke my heart. What kills me is knowing that he
doesn't deserve me....knowing that he hurt me the way he
did, and didn't give a backwards glance. And it might be
easier to deal with if we still weren't speaking.

But I one of those people. And now that I've talked to him,
heard his voice...it's so hard to know that he's there, just
out of my reach, and I can't have him.

I know I should move on. I know there are plenty of guys out
there who would treat me right. But I don't want any of
them. I've tried. I can't make myself be happy with anyone.
I miss him so much. I want more than anything to just be in
his arms one more time. Just like we used to be. Lying
together on a winter night, and hearing him whispering in my
ear. If we could do that, and he could say that he didn't
love me anymore, then I'd be ok. But until I have
that....I'm going to old on to the little bit of hope I have
in my heart that things will be ok.

I don't know where the next 6 months of my life are going to
take me. It's so scary to admit that either way, in 6
months, I'm going to be starting a whole new life somewhere.
I just wish that these next 6 months could be happy, and
shared with someone I love.

I miss you David. I still love you. I'm sorry I can't get
over you, and I'm sorry if that bothers you....but it's how
I feel, and I never kept anything from you while we were
together, I'm not going to start now. Please call me...I
miss you....I love you...