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dbnsfg
2003-01-29 16:15:01 (UTC)

Neheh..

chris came over today, with her mate and mate's kid.. becca
got old photos out to show her, and like.. i was looking
through them and i found two with lee.. ive taken one of
them out to keep for myself, put it with the other few of
him i have, in my secret book.. i miss him.. i know i
should hate him for all he put me through, but i loved him
so much, and he was my first serious boyfriend, my first
everything.. sure, i'd been with guys before, but he was
the first person i let see me.. the first guy i let touch
me.. he made me feel so good about myself when we were
together.. i figured i'd found mr right until he started
getting nasty.. maybe he got bored of me and he couldnt
think of any other way to get rid of me.. i dont know what
happened to us.. i wish it didnt though.. i wish he still
loved me like i love him.. not past tense.. i never stopped
loving him, i think becca knows that from the look on my
face when i saw the picture.. it was taken a good few years
back, and i hadnt seen it since mom mailed the pack to us..
ive been wearing my necklace.. the one he got me for
christmas when we were still together.. its a tiny silver
chain with blue topaz and blah.. i never took it off, still
wore it for a year after we broke up, and then i thought
i'd moved on, but i found it a few weeks ago, in a box
under some folders.. forgot i had it.. put it on last week
and ever since ive not been right.. i dont know if anyone's
even noticed, i dont think anyone really cares.. they'll
read this and go all pathetic on me, giving me sympathy.. i
dont want sympathy though, i just want to get on with stuff
on my own.. i cant cope with all the net stuff at the
moment.. i went back to one of my old screen names, its
more me at the moment.. ReluctantToCare.. :).. anyways?
becca wants to talk to me, so im gonna pee, and then go
pretend like im okay :)
write l8r x x




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