heaven key

2003-01-29 07:00:01 (UTC)

another day

well here i am writing again. nothing new today. i hung out
with phillip yesterday and learned that he is going to have
a kid. im in shock, in some way i feel like im losing him.
i know he is my casual sex partner, but now things are
going to be different,. how can he have a child? i feel
like were too young. he is 20. i am 20. thats crazy. plus i
dont know if this is going to mean that he is going to be
with this girl or what ever, but i do know that he has
told me he doesnt really want a relationship. i dont really
want one either. well not really with him. but i mean what
the hell.its just a complete shock. all my friends with
their kids i look at them and i know its sick but it makes
me feel old as hell. people are always like your so young,
but lately i feel like maybe i should be having a kid, or
be engaged. i suppose it doesnt help much that when arturo
and i split up he got a girl pregnant within 2 months and
is now going to marry her. that just makes me feel worse.
how can you go from being in love with me to having a kid
and getting married to almost a complete stranger? that
just shows how fucked up things are. naser got back today.
i havent heard from him though. ill call him rtomorrow. o
well i gotta go this is depressing