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2003-01-29 06:04:52 (UTC)

I am bearing again

This time it is with James. I am 4 months now. I quit work
as my body cannot take the pressure of full time schooling,
parenting and work. I want things to work out with us, but
I feel like some things never change. I do not see why one
has to be a pompous jerk to the world including our kids.
It hurts me the way that he talks to me like I am a piece
of shit. My girl is the most precious thing to me in the
world. Above him, above me even...but he dosn't agree. I
told him I would give my life for my child and he said that
he dosn't believe in that. He wouldn't do the same.I want
to save up college funds for the kids and he said that
he "had to pay his way through college and they should
too." I feel my kids should have it better than us. He told
me that I am the child and my daughter is the adult. Why do
you talk this way to somone you SUPPOSEIVLEY love?? This is
why I have a hard time with men, I seem to pick the ones
that pride themselves on being ASSHOLES! We were in a
restaurant and when we sat down there was a 1 to 2 year old
boy sitting next to our table that had begun to cry. He
said "Now that is something that I wanna hear when I go to
eat," and then-"I was just discussing this with ____ at
work the other day about this. You should have respect for
people and leave the kids at home." Fucking jerk I called
him. I am ready to explode. The way he puts his hand on my
knee is almost posessive...What have I done? Here's the
icing on the cake. I went in for an ultra sound and the
technician told us it is a boy...He went from a ear to ear
grin to a almost wanting to cry look when he heard this. He
wanted so very much a girl and then he began being a prick
again..what the hell is wrong with my judgement? I can't
even move out now because I have no job..