The Shadow of Myself
2001-09-17 04:54:33 (UTC)

I wonder...

Why is it that you look forward to something little.. so
much.. and you know it's just something little.. but you
build it up to be something so much bigger.. and when it
doesn't happen how you wanted it to you get disappointed?
I mean seriously.. I make things so complicated. The
little things... you know the ones that most people brush
off.. those are the things that give me the most joy. I
don't know why.. but thats how it is. And I know that.. so
when I anticipate something coming up.. I get myself all
excited about it. Sometimes it happens how I wanted it
to.. other times it doesn't. And it's weird.. b/c looking
back on it.. I realize how insignificant that it really
was. Thats what I don't understand.. why I make something
to be so much more important to me than it should be. I
don't know.. maybe I'm doing things how I'm supposed to.
The greatest thing is when something happens.. that I
wanted to happen.. just a small thing.. I mean I could live
of that energy for weeks. I tell all my friends about it
so many times.. or just whoever will listen. Each time I
can re-tell it.. I get to re-live it.. and it just makes me

I love to feel special.. and like someone thinks of me
different than they do anybody else.. in the coolest way
ever. I wonder if some people knew what they meant to me..
or how much I thought about them.. or dreamed about them..
if they would smile. I wonder if something I say to
someone can make their day.. just b/c I said it to them. I
wonder if someone is wondering about me...