please....take this knife from my back, to drive it through your cold heart...
Today was very unproductive, school and then just skated
and shit. There's some events in my life coming up so i'm
just waiting in anticipation. i cant believe 10th grade is
already over halfway gone. i miss it. i dont plan on
leaving for college though so i'll basically only miss my
friends that move away. but back to the present...
Alot of people are getting on my nerves, some i know very
well and some are just mere acquantinces, but nevertheless
they are really bugging me. Everyone is slowly changing,
or maybe i'm changing and they are staying the same.
anyways, i'm growing apart from some people some by choice
and some by accident. but i'm not going to stop any of it,
i look at it was a big plan (and no not like the whole GOD
thing, big plan). if someone doesn't want to put effort
into a friendship then i'm not going to do both parts. you
can only have a conversation with yourself for so long. it
gets old and tiring...fast. there aren't very many
instinces were i'm not letting go of someone, in those few
cases i feel they just must have other things that are
priorities and i respect the fact that i'm not the only
person in the world. the world DOES NOT revolve around me
or anyone else. in a way it's good not to hang around
someone constantly or your friendship will get stale,
boring and little things will draw you apart. having a
break from a friendship might sound dumb, but sometimes
it's needly badly. somethings just arent worth lossing a
friends over. sometimes you have to try and work things
out just so you wont make the same mistake again.
aside from doing nothing i've started to read constantly.
i read in class, when i get home, when i'm online, before
i go to bed, etc. books are fun. reading is fun, and i
nothing too new in my life, which means although nothing's
getting worse, nothing's getting any better. january was
not a good month. i just hope in feb. i can start new and
not make it suck.
some quick questions i thought up of and maybe you wanted
to know about me right this minute...
-wearing...bluejeans and a sweaty white shirt (i still
need to take a shower for skating)
-listening to...emo...various emo songs...sad songs...
-thinking about most...how much i wish i could change my
life and how utterly hopeless i am because i know i cant
change anything for the better
-what i should be doing...besides showering, i should be
reading...reading...mmmm...reading must have nicotine in
it cus it's hard to stop once you start
-plans for this evening...shower,dinner,read/talk on im,
read/listen to music,read/listen to the tv, and maybe a
little sleep (you can sleep when you're dead)
-greatest fear...that would take way too long, but if i
had some caffinated drink from starbucks and a phone in my
ear with you on the other line i could explain it to you...
-best thing that happened to me today...i didnt die
-worst thing that happened to me today...i didnt die...