Ode to a psycho!HA!
2003-01-28 23:26:23 (UTC)

He makes me smile. (things)

So much is going on! I'm so busy ! I probably don't even have
time to write in this, but oh well. =) With rehearsals on
average 4 days a week, and Miss Fletcher every saturday, and
before Monday I have a DBQ an APUSH test, biograpfy in a bag,
a personal fitness project, a majority of the notecards, and
the cover for my grandparent report, a short story, articles
for dance, and an algebra project due all before next
tuesday. I have to turn in my forms for state, turn in my bio
for the program, schedule a time to practice with an
accompanist for solo/ ensemble, finish making my ads for miss
fletcher ( a minimum of $300) get prepared to be off book
next week, memorize Henry V for JCC, and start preparing for
the english speaking unions shakespear festival. I was chosen
to perform 2 no.s at state, so I have to get my duet scene
back in order, and I have to get information for the aids
benefit. The Miss fletcher interview is on the 6th and I have
to send out my state college audition forms by mon. I also
have to prepare to make an audition tape for the FSU solo
camp auditions.....that's all I can think of off of the top
of my head. so be it. it's my life, right?

I've been thinking alot about nick. You know, I should really
appologize to him. I can't stand seeing him over and over
EVERYDAY. I lay there everynight and weep, not necessarily
because of him, but because of myself. WHy do I have to be so
god damn pmsy, why do I have to think about things so god
damned much, why can't i stop thinking about him. I can't
bear to think of Bri leaving, again. but I can't stop
thinking about nick. Mabey it's because I'm unbearably
single? that's what elyse thinks. I thought it was because he makes me
smile, even without saying anything he makes me smile. But her
explination makes sense too.abby knows
what I'm talking about. =) hey, by the way, I hung out with
travis long this weekend, of all people. hmmmm =) Brian is going to
naples to be with his chica. I'm kinda sad. he's not telling his
parents , so I guess technically he's running away. I'm going to miss
him. We promised eachother if we ever left we would tell eachother. I'm
glad we're still friends. I guess it's alright to say now that I'm also
glad I didn't go to mercersburg Penn after 9th grade. I was already to
leave after freshman year, I was planning on going and not telling
anyone, I had the forms already signed and I had taken the secondary
school assesment test. Now I wonder how my life would be different if I
had gone to private school in Penn. I would have never become friends
with abby, or gone out with nick, or had rebel wednesdays, or have gone
to sweet tomatoes, I wouldn't be euboeas maid of honor, or best friends
with elyse and krissy, or johnathan. My life certainly would be
different. I wouldn't feel as hurt and lonely, and small, and lost as I
do right now either. Should I appologize to nick? Is it my own fault I
hurt so bad? god I really should stop doing this.