This is the beloved air I breathe
Private Conversations with God
The following is an excerpt from my Real journal. I was
writing one night and I just began to write out an actual
conversation between God and I. I will pick up somewhere
in the middle. Names will obviously be replaced, but
always in "quotes".
Written on 1/1/03
This begins in Reference to that "he" I'm always referring
to. (I have a really cool story to tell about that
sometime too, but that will be in another entry) I was
talking about how I was frustrated because I was confused
and God was telling me that I may have jumped to
--"When I reveal something to you, it's for a purpose, but
I only reveal to you what is beneficial to you. I have
not chosen to write on a napkin the name of your future
husband because I desire you to KEEP SEEKING ME. Life is
full of choices on your part and choices on your future
husband's part as well. I want you both seeking me and
not jumping to conclusions based on your limited
thinking. RELAX! I'm so much bigger than your thoughts
and I created them all, I know everything about you and
everything about them. Seek me and I'll lead you to him.
I promise not to lead you astray. It will happen when you
are not looking. Seek me. I'm pleased with you when you
"But God, I get so disappointed in myself and my
behavior. How can anyone love all the quirks about me?"
--"He's thinking the same thing. And another thing - you
won't have to convince or tempt or tease him. He'll be
drawn to your natural beauty, your smile and your passion
for me. If you are not truly focused on me, you may miss
--"More sovereign will stuff"
Regarding a friend of mine:
"God, is there sovereign will for "Tina"?
--"Of course! She has to choose it though. Just as you
must learn to trust me in your own life so also know that
I'm watching out for all my little ones. I know her
circumstances and I cried in her pain but those scars are
not her fault. She can not hide behind them though. Had
she not experienced all that she did, she would not have
been equipped to do all that she's going to do in the
future. But Child, this is your tale not hers. Know that
I'm guiding her"
"Carry her Lord Jesus. I'm reminded of Gandalf in LOTR.
He passed into shadow and flame and Galadrail
said "needless were none of the deeds of Gandalf in life
for we do not yet know his full purpose". Had he not
defeated the Balrock, he would not have become Gandalf the
white and he would not have delivered the king of that
town or had the power to do anything. So, it needed to
happen in order for the quest to succeed"
--"I use everything. You can not start with the 'what
if’s' because that will drive you to places that you do
not want to go and the end result will be discouragement.
you can not change your past and she can not change hers.
Learn, cling to me and move on drawing lessons from the
things that do happen. You have all these questions for
me now little one, as if you didn't always have me here to
" I just realized now that it's because I'm not taking the
time to listen"
--"Very intuitive. I want to hear everything - nothing is
"God, What do you want me to do this summer?"
--"Bloom where you are planted. I know that you would
like for me to call you back to San Jose, but that season
was last summer and it was wonderful and blessed wasn’t
it? You do not know the future but do not make the
mistake of trying to do it without my calling."
"Please provide for my needs God"
--"You mean a car? Your needs will always be met. I love
"I love you too, God. Oh, btw, will you please make clear
to me about the tithing thing?"
--"Haven't I already?"
"But I don't like it that my parents and I don't agree. I
don't like to think of them as wrong."
--"What if I was convicting YOU one way because that's a
lesson I'm teaching you and I realize that your parents
are learning other things from me right now?"
--"Don't conjure up feelings to match other people's
reactions. And please don't forget to honor them. YOU
DON'T HAVE TO AGREE WITH THEM TO HONOR THEM. THAT WILL
HONOR ME. That's part of seeking me you know, honoring
them. It's ok to branch off, that's part of growing up,
but learn to talk with respect. This is your mission.
Speak respectfully about and to people."
"Can I do that? I failed my 'no slander' attempt"
--"How badly do you want to obey and honor me?"
"I'm not sure"
--"This is not a threat or an order. You have free will,
but it's the beginning of your improvement plan."
"Honoring to and about others with my words, huh?"
--"This one isn't simply about self-control. It's a
matter of the heart. Instead of simply controlling what
comes out of your mouth and keeping it from passing out
your lips, stop them from being produced in your heart."
--"Let me cleanse you."
--"How much do you want me? How serious are you about
your faith? Is it worth being inconvenienced?"
"God, I drank last night"
--"You are like the woman at the well..always changing the
subject when it get uncomfortable."
"It connects, I feel separated, I rationalized and I
shouldn't have. I'm sorry."
--"Ask me. when you do, I will be pleased and I will
respond. You will notice a difference and others will
"Ok God, I want it. Please give me life! Create in me a
--"Seek me and you shall find."
"I love you"
--"If you understood how much I Loved you and the
intensity of my love, you would also understand that that
love is what compels you to love me. Don't worry, you are
not conceited in an unhealthy way. You cannot try to
please her. It's me who created you and by acting the way
I created you to act, you will please me."
"Don't let me, I will seek you. Thank you"