Place To Vent
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2003-01-28 06:54:37 (UTC)

Lalala...I'm feelin blah blah blah

Finals tomorrow! Oooo I can't wait! Well, actually I can't wait until
this week is over. And it's also that time of month where me and Uyen
get all emotional, angry, hyper, and sensitive about everything. lol.
Uyen - hug me please! Oh but wait...your club sucks!


I just wanna scream right now. I mean a girl tries so hard sometimes.
I think sometimes they try a little to hard. I'm one of those girls
who feels weak as soon as they express a "true feeling." It's hard
for me to open up and say "Hey, I kinda like you." I feel useless and
if a guy ever knows, I also end up feeling pathetic. I'm the kind to
sit and wait for a guy to come to me. That's terrible but at the
same time I like to be kept safe and not around all the let downs.
But right now it looks like it's happening anyway. Actually, it's not
just that I think about it. I think it's me. Maybe I'm just
not good enough...

I can look like I have all this confidence but inside I feel kinda
worthless. I have all these insecurities like I'm sure everyone does.
But I'm really lost too. I know that a lot of things are my fault.
Like if things ever go wrong with a guy it's cuz of me. It's always
me. I'm scared of getting hurt and scared of letting them know to
much about me. After it's over is when I realize that I'm the one who
lost. I realize that they were good to me...they were probably right
for me...I can never see it when I have them. I get hurt, then angry,
and frustrated with myself. I think I'm ready to be with somebody now
and actually just be me and not hide or run away or play hard to get.
I always do it and I shouldn't do it anymore. In the end, it ends up
being my loss.