Ruby Mist - Contemplations from the Hear
2001-09-16 23:49:00 (UTC)

Early Morning Memories

I can't say that I have to many good memories of my mother
and our life while I was growing up so, the ones that I do
have give me some comfort that my mother does love me, even
though she might not know how to show it.
I have to say that one of the nice things about my mother
is that she has always been a very clean person. I remember
waking up in the morning and hearing the sterio playing
through my bedroom walls (always country music) and I would
get up and open my bedroom door and the house (or
apartment, wherever we lived at the time) would have a
fresh new feeling to it. All the doors and windows would be
open and the house would be nice and clean. My mother would
be sitting on the couch smoking a cig and I would come in
and sit and have a cig with her. She would ask what I had
planned for the day and then she would tell me what she had
planned. We might talk about some of my friends and what
we've been up to, maybe a little talk of school, although
there was never too much interest there. We might actually
laugh about some things that had happened to us through the
week and we might have another cig and then I would go take
my shower and begin my day.
These times were few and far between but I guess that
people really do make something very big out of something
so small when it's all they have that's good to remember.
Mornings like this morning always put me back to those
times and I have to smile at how the memories always make
me feel fresh, just as the house was when I woke up on
those mornings.
I think these small memories that are so big to me are the
reasons I can't hate my mother completely for all the wrong
that she did. Because of these memories I always think to
myself, she was young and messed up when I came along, she
did only what she new how to do, and how can I blame her
for that.