lil_p

Crazy Thoughts
2001-09-16 21:58:55 (UTC)

What stress can do to ya...

Everything is total chaos in my life, I swear!! I'm so
stressed out about this personal issue, school, diving,
trying to find time to spend by myself-I need some space!
This is the first time this weekend I've actually been home
and been able to use the computer! I really need to talk to
Wes, he's never ever on and I don't feel like calling him
right now. I miss him so much, and we don't talk as much as
we used to-it hurts not being able to say hi to him almost
everyday. I wish I could be with him, in his arms,
especially right now when everything is all screwed up. I
wish I could just escape it all! I can't handle this much
stress in life, it's too hard. I'm failing science (imagine
that) and if I have to re-take the whole course, I might
shoot myself. Errr, stress stress stress, for once in my
life I can't deal. Lord help me! I'm so worried about
homecomming and this personal issue and school just makes
it all worse!! I need to take a personal vaction to
Wesley's house, enjoy my visit and then go back to the back-
breaking grind, it might do me some good. I don't know,
some of you probably have it worse than me, I shouldn't be
feeling sorry for myself while the rest of your guys' life
it a lot harder. After the whole terrorist act this last
week, I have really opened my eyes, I am so thankful for
everything I used to take for granted-like walking down the
street to my friends house, or going to 711 and JW's almost
every afternoon for a snack. To be able to be on Varsity
diving, to have a warm bed, even to be wearing socks! Some
people don't have all those things, you have to realize
that you should be thankful for the problems (or stress in
that matter) you have to deal with because others have to
deal with finding food to eat, somewhere to call their own,
trying to avoid violence and discrimination everyday, even
finding the love of your life (we all know how that goes)It
never crossed my mind before that I would ever be thankful
for worrying about if I'm going to have poptarts or ice
cream for breakfast. So many things surpass you, especailly
the things you take for granted. And it's nice to wake up
and think you don't have to re-figure a route home so you
don't get raped on your way home from school. I was
thinking about this while curling my hair this morning (I
like to do my daily intelectual conference with me, myself,
and I in my head during that time) And now I don't know why
I'm trippin myself over stress because the only thing I can
do is help make someone elses life better (I hope you
understand where I'm going, I can be so nebulous sometimes!)
Well, you've probably have had enough, I'll write later,
until then, love ya all!
Steph