Kaoru No Mushi

Kaoru No Mushi Secrets
2003-01-27 23:51:02 (UTC)

35:22

in the macabre dvd, when you reach 35:22 running time it
starts out with a date given. january 25, 2001 and kaoru's
alone, sitting by the window and the train's skimming over
a white landscape of snow and cold.

his eyes averted to the endless scape, only to be disturbed
by the camera man. but he welcomes the intrusion, makes
the camera man sit by him and offres to indulge in
questions and paradigms such as showing CDs and stuff.

before the shot kaoru had earphones on, what could he be
possibly be listening to? what was he thinking about? why
does it always see m to me that he's eternally...lonely?
and then i thought about what NMchan had written in GYA.

it hurts to look at Kaoru, in that way. i was stupid
enough to repeat the secene for almost 20 times wishing it
wouldn't hurt as much as the last time...it's just...he
mirrors so much of what i do when i'm lonely. i do put
earphones and listen to music when i travel and when i do
my mind is nowhere near where i'm sitting...

i'm either wishing i was somewhere else or drowning in pure
sound. how could kaoru speak without even uttering a word
to me?

i'm overthinking everything again arent't i? charged on
pure drama and consequential instances. lonely because
whatever you do - all you have is yourself in the end. i'm
just a little luckier than he is because i have him for
inspiration...


excerpt from "giving you away" :

"It was Kaoru. Even if it was something that was acceptable
to speak of, to press about, it was twice as hard to do so
with Kaoru. The guitarist was simply not a man Shinya felt
comfortable trying to dig answers from. He was a leader, he
gave orders, commanded respect,and was wrapped in a shroud
of mystery, of silence. He let his friends into his heart,
surely, into his home and his life, but there was something
about him that was forever separate. He kept his secrets
closely, his internal workings purely internal." - by
Nightmajik [Thank you for this Nmchan *hugs*]

the one truth i try to hold on to is based largely on
fiction, that's the great comedy of life.




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