Secret Undefined

Secret Undefined
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2003-01-27 20:36:18 (UTC)


this is my first entry. I am generally annoyed with my life
at the moment. My name is A.J. yes, i'm a chick . .. Well
this is why I'm annoyed. I am 3 months pregnant. I can't
tell my mother or my roomate. both of which will completely
drop me if they knew. The only support system i have, my
boyfriend, best friend of 5 years is gone and i have no
contact with him untill june. I feel so terribly alone. And
the people i know that are pregnant , are so happy about
it. I'm not. I hate it. I hate it that I'm getting fat, I
hate it that I have no support from the father, I hate it
that this child has no place to go when it's born. However
it will be adopted. I hate it that I'll be giving birth
right when I am supposed to start school. i hate how
painfull it's going to be. I hate having to hide from
everyone. I am stronger than that. I son't know why I have
to deal with it this way. I'm not supposed to be able to
have kids. I never wanted any. I was gonna have my tubes
tied just in case. I wanted a career. I feel like evrything
i wanted is circling the drain. I don't feel worth shitt.
And I'm 20. Pretty bad for 20 huh . . . . .Feel alone in
this world and I'm facing it on my own once again.