marinabreeze

as the Oval turns
Ad 2:
2001-09-16 14:49:01 (UTC)

Lately

Songs of the Season: One - Metallica
Everybody Wants to Rule the World -
Tears for Fears

I watched as the second plane went into the World Trade
Center on live television. I knew then that it was no
accident...

It's kind of sad, but I could see all of this coming. The
United States has been intervening in others' affairs for
years, some of it is invited, some of it is not. All in
the name of democracy and freedom. But doesn't freedom
mean the freedom to choose your form of government? No
form of government is perfect, and corruption exists in
each and every kind. I'm cool with the fact that we're
technically a democratic republic, but I do think that
whatever government is better or worse is pretty
subjective. I could see this coming. A lot of countries
don't like us, for a lot of reasons, many of them pretty
valid. But I didn't expect it to be so devastating, with
so much loss of life. It pisses me off, but at the same
time I see that other countries have been dealing with this
kind of stuff for years. It changes you when you realize
that your country is just as vulnerable to attack as any
other country. Unfortunately, I don't see the bloodshed
stopping. The US is going to attack countries in haste b/c
the American people are impatient and out for blood, and
instead of killing the dictators and terrorists, they're
going to end up hurting and killing innocent people. These
days, war tends to mean that the main people that suffer
aren't even the soldiers or the governments, but the common
people who don't even have anything to do with the politics
and the policies. That's what's been happening for years,
that's what happened with the plane attacks of the World
Trade Center, the Pentagon to some extent, and just all the
people who died on the planes and in the building, and
that's what's going to continue to happen.

I don't want to talk about depressing issues anymore...so
lemme change the subject to something comparatively base
and petty.

Okay...today is move-in day, which sucks b/c I've got a
cold. Colds suck b/c it triggers my asthma, and for some
reason, I get them all the time :( I never get the flu, I
rarely get stomachaches or any other form of sickness, but
I always catch colds...at least one per quarter. And they
make it hard for me to breathe, and they seem to last
entirely too long. I also am sleep deprived, which really
sucks b/c it lowers my immune system...and the deprivation
doesn't look like it's gonna stop anytime soon...it's
10am..I've been up since 6am and I won't be sleeping until
after the all-hall meeting at 9pm. The other thing about
move-in day is that there's a lot of stuff that hasn't been
done...stuff is missing, etc., etc. And that makes our
jobs a lot easier - yeah right.

Even pettier...males. Pacey's more or less history, due to
a lot of things. First of all, I don't hear from him a
lot, and I don't look to, either. Second of all, I just
really don't see him the same way...I don't get that
same "I like you" feeling talking to him or anything. The
feeling's gone. Also, I've become too busy, with RA and IV
stuff, especially RA stuff. A part of me wants to stay
busy so I don't think about how jacked up things are, but
Brad was saying that it's a bad idea b/c it doesn't solve a
lot...it sounds like some advice I'd give, but it's a
difference b/w dealing with other folks and dealing
w/yourself. And speaking of Brad...we're getting along
well, we make a good co-team. Again, lemme stress that
although he's cute, I don't want him all like that. It's
the six reasons, and like I was telling Claudia, the fact
that he's not a Christian kind of trumps everything
else...nothing else matters. But anyhow, we're getting to
know each other better...the funny thing is, OSU seems to
be getting a lot smaller, in the "six degrees of
separation" sense. Here's the deal...try to follow me b/c it's a
little complicated: HG and Brad are brothers in the engineering
frat, and I guess Brad was HG's pledge. In addition, he knows my
freshman year roommate, b/c he was on men's crew that year and my
roommate was one of the coxswains. He also knows her best friend
Anna from crew, and he's also met Esther...who figured as soon as I
told her about Brad that she knew him b/c of Anna, who was her
roommate that same year. Pacey and HG are good friends from Cinci,
and the funny thing is, they were roommates my freshman year (their
sophomore year)...that's how I met HG. HG used to have a crush on
Anna, but she wasn't feeling him, and on a side note, the last time I
checked, she was dating this dude that is a complete asshole. But in
any case, everyone's connected, and I wouldn't be surprised if Brad
and Pacey know each other, which would suck, big time. People say
that OSU is too big and impersonal...that's sooo not true. OSU is
more like a really small town.

I am sooo looking forward to getting my car...it's a turquoise-
blue '87 Volkswagen Fox. I just need to learn how to drive it,
seeing that it's manual and I have never driven a stick shift...but
it's not bad b/c Brad is going to teach me how to drive stick. So
that works.

This is one of those times in my life where I just want my life drama-
free, and it just be me and God. No dudes, nothing like that. I
don't want to deal with Pacey at all, and I don't want to mess around
with any other dudes. God has been showing me a lot in terms of
being dependent on males. I need to break the circle. That's why I'm
cutting off the whole thing w/Brad at the pass...I don't want to
entertain anything that can't, won't, and shouldn't happen, and I
want to make my work and living environment user-friendly. One thing
that God has shown me is that I tend to bounce from guy to guy, in
terms of who I like and latch onto. That's not a healthy behavior,
b/c it shows that I'm not comfortable with being by myself or not
messing around with some guy. I think a part of me wants to show
other people that I'm not so ugly that I can't have a man. I think
that before I hook up with anyone, I need to be comfortable in my own
skin.


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