kellyc

Thoughts and Feelings
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2003-01-27 06:42:12 (UTC)

Glutton for punishment

I'v been laying in bed for the last 45 minutes or so trying
to sleep. But I keep having thoughs of Geoff running
through my mind. And I guess that makes sense, since I
talked to him tonight for the first time since I left
Savannah. And honestly do I like to be treated like shit?
Because I considered begging him to take me back. And I
really don't even know why. I guess I look at all the good
times and forget about the bad. Or what I should've said
or done when the bad times came through and how I could've
made them so much better. I guess I really am a glutton
for punishment. I won't do it though, I'm stronger then
that...I have to be stronger then him. But, oh god, its so
hard. Why can't I just move on like every other normal
human being--something to talk to Brooke about I guess. I
hate to admit it but maybe I'm like E--- and have to be in
a relationship all the time. Which I guess really is true,
because I'm thinking about trying to get back into a very
hurtful situation. Because I like the idea of being with
someone, it comforts me. But Geoff is also my first and
only love...so that prob has a lot to do with it--I can't
let go of the idea that it failed. "We are molded and
remolded by those who have loved us; and though the love
may pass, we are nevertheless their work, for good, or
ill." --Francios Mauriac


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