nin137

Nick's Journal
2003-01-27 06:31:29 (UTC)

Delusions of Mediocrity or just Grandeur

So i'm sitting here at my computer now and it's 1:15. i
sit here and click through away messages, my roommate
making enough noise to wake the dead. as i sit there
reading every away message (and profile) and between the
thoughts of "what in god's name could you possibly do at
1:15 in the morning to make so much noise?" i wonder about
myself.
here i am. i've just watched the superbowl (which was a
bore), and what exactly am i going to do now? you know
one thing i'm happy about? right now i may not have
achieved grandeur but i'm not sure i've sunken into
mediocrity.......just yet. i mean i actually think to
myself, "damn it's sweet i'm not in jail now." like i
wonder what it would be like ot live somewhere where i
couldn't control what happened to me......that would
suck. just the fact that i could go out now and just
walk....or drive....it's so nice. i guess it's really
what we have as our delusion of power.
we really don't control shit, but when we can go outside
when we want or eat when we want, we have an image of
power. it's a mere fabrication of individuality that we
string along as we dye our hair and pierce our bodies, but
they're all essential. we cling to these little actions
to express our own meaning. we should be very open-minded
about people's wishes to be individuals, no matter how
dumb they are. for example, don't look at that disgusting
smelly guy as someone who's man-boobs have their own pit-
stains, view him as a self-empowered individual that
choose where anti-perspirant will go on his body.
man, where the christ am i going with this? as usual, not
too damn far.
----
i hate those self-check out things. you know at kroger
and shit? they seem like a good self-empowered, i know
what i'm doing gimmick but they are so faulty. no matter
how many damn times i set my beer down it said "please
place the item in the bag". stupid piece of shit.
----