lindsay ann

somewhere in between
2003-01-27 02:06:59 (UTC)

despite what you think

i will turn out ok. people seem to be a bit worried that i wax off an
eyebrow and tell the whole world, tell boys that i farted while i was
singing, wear boxers and sag occasionally, pop off to anyone who
happens to get on my nerves, etc...i've been told that if i just
change _____ a little bit, i could "get a guy" (or something along
those lines). but i'm not worried about getting a guy. frankly, being
myself has gotten me two guys this year...one who was my best
friend, but i ruined that...and another who i have nothing in
common with and is on an entirely different page than i am. i don't
need anymore of that. as joanna said, it makes me not want to
date forever.

but it's not as if i'm trying to repulse everyone in sight. i'm just
being myself...possibly repulsive, but oh well. but i'm not lonely,
not needy, not defiant, not bitter, just being me. however that
comes off. my only comfort in this is that when, in the far future,
some guy comes along who is totally "my type" and falls in love
with me and what have you, i will not have won him over. he won't
be the trophy boy or a token of years of hard work. he will be a
really weird person who fell for a girl who didn't waste her time
trying to fit the mold of the perfect high school girlfriend. cuz i won't
be that and frankly i'd hate to be that. the last of my cheesy
teenage hopes is to go to prom. then real life can begin.