Jenniebear17

Jenn
Ad 2:
2003-01-27 01:21:55 (UTC)

"How I Got Here Today"

A few months ago, my psychology teacher made us write in
class, how we got where we are today. I sat and pondered on
the assignment for a good half hour, and then it hit me
like a sack of potatoes. There are many things that have
affected how I got here today. Mainly it was the past
relationships I have had, and still have. The day I turned 10, my
parents
stopped taking care of me, I grew up very quickly, and
raised my two brothers and my sister. As I grew older, I
learned from my experiences, and I never had anyone to lean
on for support. In the summer before eigth grade, my dad
had been moved to a new ship, so we had to move within
three days. Things suddenly went downhill from there. As I
started eigth grade, things got worse my mom went to work
full time, so the raising of my siblings, and taking care
of the house fell on me. I got stressed more and more as
days went by. I didn't have time for my friends anymore, or
the activities I once enjoyed. When september came and it
was time to start ninth grade, school got a lot harder, and
I didn't have any other way out but to kill myself. As
thoughts of how, when, and why I was going to do this were
running through my head, I found the motivation to keep
myself going. In september of 2000, I started tenth grade,
and I was assigned a ninth grader named Sidney to mentor.
Stress from all my classes was depressing me, and the
thoughts of suicide ran through my mind again. As I began
to talk to Sidney about things, I felt a connection between
us. It was almost like I had known her for years. Almost
two weeks went by and school was getting harder and harder,
and my youngest brother just didn't want to listen to me.
Thoughts again were racing through my head. I never got
along with my father, and me and my mother had drifted
apart, so now we really don't get along or even talk unless
she wants something. I knew Sidney could sense that
something was wrong. She began talking to me, and she
encouraged me to get out in the community and make a
difference. I agreed to go with her one afternoon to the
local chapter of the American Red Cross after school one
day, to volunteer our time to help others. I think we spent
about three hours helping a family who had just been burned
out of their house by a fire get personal care items. As I
walked out of the building that day, I had a totally
different outlook on life. I realized my life wasn't as
hard as I thought it was, and just at the moment I knew I
wanted to devote my life to helping others. My eleventh
grade year began, and things at home were going good,
school was stressing me out, and my relationship with my
family was gone. Even though I had moved about thirty miles
from Sidney she still had a shoulder for me to cry on. MY JUNIOR YEAR
STARTED AND I HATED IT, I BEGGED MY MOTHER FOR
THE LONGEST TIME TO GO BACK TO MY OLD SCHOOL, AND SHE TOLD
ME NO EACH AND EVERYTIME. AND I GUESS THERE WAS A REASON,
AND IT BECAME CLEAR TO ME AS THIS GUY STARTED TALKING TO
ME, AND I BLEW HIM OFF. HE HAD ASKED ME OUT AND I HAD TOLD
HIM TO STOP TALKING TO ME AND IT WASNT BECAUSE I DIDNT LIKE
ME IT WAS BECAUSE I HAD JUST GOTTEN OUT OF AN ABUSIVE
RELATIONSHIP AND DIDNT WANT TO BE STUCK IN THAT POSITION
AGAIN. AFTER I BLEW HIM OFF HE WOULDNT TALK TO ME ANYMORE,
AND I JUST WANTED TO CRY, I KNEW I WOULD NEVER HAVE ANOTHER
CHANCE WITH HIM. AS THE YEAR CAME TO AN END WE BEGAN TO
TALK MORE AND MORE AND THEN SCHOOL WAS OVER. AS THE LAST DAY
OF SCHOOL CAME, I KNEW I WOULD NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN, AND I
KNEW I HAD LOST MY CHANCE ALTOGETHER. OVER THE SUMMER I HAD
JUST GOTTEN MY LICENSE AND MY MOM WOULD DO ANYTHING TO GET
ME OUT OF THE HOUSE, MOST OF THE TIME IT WAS TAKE YOUR
BROTHERS AND SISTER TO SEE A MOVIE. THEN AFTERWARDS TRYING
TO GET HOME IT WAS "I AM HUNGRY" AND SEEING THAT I HAVE A
VERY PICKY BROTHER WHEN IT COMES TO EATING MOST OF THE TIME
IT WAS SONIC, BECAUSE THAT WAS THE ONLY THING OPEN AT THAT
TIME OF NIGHT, AND I SAW THE GUY AGAIN. I WAS SO HAPPY AND
I FELT LIKE GOD HAD SENT HIM TO ME, AND WE WERE MEANT TO BE.
WE BEGAN TALKING A FEW NIGHTS A WEEK AND I THOUGHT THAT
SOMETHING MIGHT COME OUT OF IT. MY SISTER TOLD HIM I LIKED
HIM AND JULY 23, 2002, I WAS ONLINE TALKING TO MY BEST
FRIEND(SIDNEY) AND HE HAPPENED TO SIGN ONLINE AND WE WERE
TALKING FOR A WHILE AND HE ASKED ME OUT. I was so happy, and for the
first 4 months I was so happy with him, and didn't care about
anything else. The only thing I cared about was the fact that I was
dating him, and that I loved him. I made a big mistake and kept him
out of my home life for the longest time, and when I finally got
really depressed because of things at home I had to tell him because
I didnt want him to think it was him. He is the person who has kept
me going the most this year, and I love him so much. I love the fact
that he is always there for me, and bends over backwards for me when
I need him. He made me continue my nursing school even though I have
felt like giving up so much, he always told me that he loved me with
his heart and soul, and would do anything for me to be happy, and for
me to continue living. And just him telling he loves me has kept me
going, and that is how I have got where I am today in life. I will
continue updating this every two months ago, I want this to be a
continuing thing, so maybe people won't make the same mistakes I did
in life. Always cherish the relationships you have with people, and
never think that you can't go on, you will find your love or maybe
even loves in life soon enough. I did, and I am glad I continued
living just to be on earth everyday, and getting to pursue my loves
in life. Your asking what my loves in life are, its helping people,
thats why I started nursing school, and my wonderful boyfriend, who I
always will cherish in my heart.

If you got any response to this, please e-mail me at
[email protected], and put in the subject a response to how you
got here today.

Thanks and I love you all Jenn aka Fairylynn


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