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2001-09-16 05:12:43 (UTC)

My friend left for England..

My friend left for England yesterday. The gang went to see
him off. Nobody cried as far as I know. Even his mother was
calm. Every one was pretty calm. We had dinner at the
airport and took pictures. When it was time for him to
leave (I didn't notice how he said his farewell with his
family but I know they didn't hug), some of the guys shook
hand while two other girls and a guy hugged. I couldn't
bring myself to hug him, so we just shook hands. I guess
that I just cannot bring myself to show my emotion. I was
on the verge of tears already and no one else was crying.
(I hope nobody stared into my eyes). When I came home, I
just broke down in the bathroom. This morning the tap
turned on again. Why, I just don't know. We are quite good
friends. But we are just not affectionate. I don't even
know if I am crying because he is leaving or because I shall
be the only one left here soon. Two friends will be leaving
for Australia early and end of next year. Another will be
leaving for Scotland the year after and I will still be
stuck here. So, whether the tears came out of the lost of a
friend or of self-pity, I truly cannot tell. Nowadays, my
feelings are not mine anymore. I don't know myself anymore.
I am afraid of the future. I don't make friends easily and
soon I will be alone. Being alone is not what I fear. It is
being alone and yet surrounded by other people.
What will happen to me?


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