punk rawker

*-*made silant*-*
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2003-01-26 23:01:42 (UTC)

continue...

sorry that was a fucked up first entry. my dads home for
once and is bugging me.

so let me finish telling you about my life....

ever since my mom died i've been crying almost every night.
not only becuse my mom died but because for some reason i
became the new mom. my dad and sister are constantly
working if there not working there out with there frinds.
so im a "mother" to a 9 year old. ever since he was 4. so i
really dont have a life. ever since high school i got up at
530 get ready take him to the baby sitters go to school
call the school at 930 to make sure he's there, call the
babysitter at 2 to make sure she picks him up, come home
help him with his homework while i do mine, cook dinner get
him ready for school, i get ready for school and by then
its like 930. so i put him to bed and i have about 30 min
to myself. its gets really boring after a while. im only 18
i shouldnt be doing this shit. so i pretty much have no
life.

about 3 years back i got into drugs. hoping that will help
me with things. needless to say it doesnt. it makes
everything worse. i got raped by the one person i thought i
trusted. his name was andy. he was my "drug dealer" i gues
u can say. even though he done the shit with me. i got
really messed up on E that night and the next think i no im
laying on his bed and im in pain. i could hardly walk. so i
guess that makes me not trust guys easly.

my dad has a gf she's here sometimes. i hate her. she's
trying to be my mom and she cant be. she's a bitch and
constatly yells and gets angery at me. i hate her.

i have had so many people hurt me and degrate me and spread
rumors about me and im tired of it. im tired of hurting
people i love and people i love hurting me.

i dont really open up to people and noone really knows the
real me and everything i've been threw. i no if i tell
people my mom died and im a "mom" to a 9 year old and i was
raped it will get out and everyone will see ima a mental
break down waiting to happen. but im really not. i try to
look on the bright side of things. i try to ignore nassty
rumors and gossipers.

i guess im pretty popular at school... but every time i
have a best friend she back stabs me. so i gave up on
girls. there ignorant, rude and cocky. i dont like them. so
most people see me as one of the guys. people say im pretty
funny i guess i am i dunno.

i get into alot of fights at school. i get pissed off
easily. and i go to anger management class's. nothing
really works. i guess i get stressed easly.

so now that u no just about everything about me. im going
to go watch the super bowl. go bucks! woo. lol

love ya
nicci


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