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2001-09-15 23:07:43 (UTC)

joan, david, war?

ok i know its been awhile since i wrote last but what can i
say. joan has been an extreme roller coaster ride. the
11th, the same day the twin towers were attacked, she tells
me that she doesnt like me like that. then yesterday she
tells me she does. i know the big thing is that im in
cali. but cmon. at least give me a chance...wait at least
figure out what the fuck you want and stop fucking with my
heart and head. oh sprung what can i say? i met
a guy though. his name is david and hes cool. i like
hanging out with him. and i think we have potential. i
didnt talk to joan for like 2 days...and in that 2 days she
managed to sleep with a girl. i was like damn. so i told
her about david and she gets all jealous. so whatever...i
cant keep up with the games for much longer. but david and
i went to this club last night and just talked. i felt so
stupid bc i was in my freaking work clothes. i felt like
everyone was staring at me. lol. i was stoned too so that
might be where the paranoia set in. anyways we had about 2
hours where we were just talking and getting to know each
other. we both seem to be looking for the same thing so i
guess we will see how it all turns out. joan though. i
just wish she would be with me...i mean i feel like we
belong together....i havent felt like that in a long time.
but who knows with her. shes a ball of issues, and for
some reason i love that.

i decided that i want to sign up for the military if we go
to war. and since its looking like that, i might end up
going. i told joan. shes all mad. she sounded so sad
when i told her. i told her that i dont have much going
for me right now. i mean i could if i wanted to...but i
dont so i dont. i told her if i had someone to keep me
here i would stay. a hint to see if she would say I WANT
YOU TO STAY. but she didnt. but i mean this whole attack
has brought out so much patriotism in me. i realized how
proud i am to be an american. so why not fight? im
intelligent, and in some sort of physical shape. i mean
im still thin and with some muscle...just need to work out
more often. so why not? do some good for once instead of
getting drunk or stoned. makes sense doesnt it? and i
mean id actually be fighting bc i want know? not
just drafted bc im of age. who knows. i told my parents
and they didnt say much. they probably dont believe me.
ill have to have a serious convo with them about it.

i might get to see joan afterall. im going to work on them
some. i need her to be around me. bc i know once she is
she wont be able to resist me. im pretty charming and
irresistable. i guess we will see. i got to get to work.
peace people...ill try to write later tonight. :)

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