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2003-01-26 03:53:22 (UTC)

he doesnt know

i went to a party last night and every time he came near
me i loved it so much i wanted to hug him not kiss but
hold him so badly i just wanted some kind of hint that he
still loved me and that the girl hes been seeing isnt as
important as i was... i doubt it... but it would be nice
to happen
yes im still in love with him and i dont choose to be i
wish i could get out of it i wish their was some way to
get out of it... i found a guy who really luikes me for me
and i like him tooo but the love for nate still doesnt go
away... sometimes i wish it did sometimes i hope it doesnt
sometimes im just content with it.. i still think about
him all the time but i dont wish he were mine
all i wish is that we can be great friends knowing he
still loves me knowing that just makes me satisfied. we
never work out if we went back out we would never be a
couple we would just drive eachother crazy... at the party
their where times he came so close to me and i had to back
away becaeu it drove me crazy to be that close to him.
because all i wanted to do was hug him when i couldnt i
just wanted to hold him so badly... its obvious i still
love him but i wish i knew if he still loved me... i had a
dream last night that i really didnt like. i had a dream
that it was morning and alaina was with him in the
bathroom watchig him as he cleaned his face... she just
sat their talking to him and finding out more and more
about him... thats what i wanted to d i wanted to ask more
and more questions becaseu i want to know him i want to
really know him to understadn him and for him to except
me.. i really really wanted to understand him i would
really love to see him everyday and just talk to him about
stuff i never tell anyone... he makes me wanna shake i
shake all over when im with him or when i know im about to
see him... im happy for him im happy that he found
someone... i just wish i couldve made him happy... i wish
i couldve seen him... now all i want to be satisfied is to
see him and just talk to him and for him to except me and
want to be with me... i miss him alot but i can live
without him... as i see him more and more i can grow a
stronger bond between us... it will be awkward at first
but everythign happens for the best and everythign happens
for the best possible outcome.....