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2001-09-15 20:35:47 (UTC)


9/15/01 4:17pm

It's way too late in the afternoon. I should have written
my essay by now, but I hate re-writing the major points of
books. I hung out with Ryan last night. We fooled around
and it was great, but he didn't sleep over because he
couldn't sleep in my bed. I wanted him to sleep over most
of all. And today he's like, I have stuff to do and I might
be able to hang out. I fucking came home so that we could
hang out and he's never available. When we do hang out I
get the feeling that I'm annoying him. I don't really wanna
just fool around with him and nothing else. If I wanted to
be a slut I could do that at school. I'd much rather be
lonely and horny like before rather than be getting some
but unhappy. I dunno what I can do about it. I'm thinking
that I should maybe just give up on him and go back to
looking on campus. He's not really a boy friend. Right now
he's just coming over to fool around and doesn't really
wanna do much else. I dunno I'll see what happens. It won't
hurt too much to give it a week or two. I really don't feel
like being depressed and lonely again but I can deal, its
better than wondering if I can convince my boyfriend to
hang out with me without fooling around. Just reading this
makes me realize how stupid this relationship, which it
isn't, is. It seems likely that its gonna be over really
soon because Ryan is more interested in getting some than
in being close to me.


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