Traded your worth for these scars...
2001-09-15 04:17:52 (UTC)

My best friend came home...

but, don't get too excited. It wasn't as uhh.. "joyful" as
I had imagined.

She came to pick me up for the game.. and immediately.. got
our of the car.. and RAN to give me a hug. "My best
friend!!!", she shouted. Wow.. I was happy to see her. Get
to the game.. everything is cool. Then, my best friend runs
into some "partiers" that she hung out with in high school.
Oh no.. not these people, and just when she was on the
right track. She's been doing soooo good since she's been
away at college, and I was so proud of her. Now this.
Camping... hmm.. right.. a camping trip is always fun, when
you add a little alcohol to the mix that is. Please don't
go.. I keep thinking that maybe.. just maybe.. she'll
listen to me. After all, it has been quite awhile since her
last "indulgence". However, it's hard to compete with the
large group of others who are routing her on. One of the
surprising influences.. her little sister. Gosh, what
happened to her? She used to be the one on the couch who
was lecturing Amy on what a stupid thing she was doing to
herself.. now she's doing it too? Terrible. Very easily
influenced.. that's Amy. If she thinks it'll make her part
of the "crowd" she'll do it.. even minor things like her
language changes when she gets around those people. I hate
it. She's a freakin adult for pete's sakes.. but seeing
those old friends.. brings back old memories.. and makes
her act like a kid again. So yeah.. we are SUPPOSED to go
shopping tomorrow, but I have a feeling she will be
spending quite awhile in her "cave" tomorrow.. and this
time, her sister will be joining her.

It makes me feel so non-important to her. She says I'm her
best friend.. so why doesn't she care that it hurts me so
much to see her do this.. time and time again? It just
doesn't make any sense. There were times tonight, when I
felt like I had the old Amy back. Talking about the day
care and how cute the kids are while we were eating, or
sittin in the car talkin about all of our little sayings
that no one else understands.. but then.. I suddenly
remember where they are heading after they drop me off. It
disappoints me. It really does.

I keep thinking of what she said. She said that some
friends from school ask her why she was going home for the
weekend. In reply.. she simply held up the decoupaged
collage I made for her.. our "Amigas Favoritas" collage..
and said "This is why.. I'm going to see my best friend." I
just wish she had continued to be that enthusiastic about
seeing me when she got here... when she was at the
ballgame.. when I was beggin her to NOT go camping
tonight. "This is the last time, Tarah. I promise." Right.
Didn't you say that the last time? It's addicting. Everyone
knows it. Like Amy so jokingly refers to it "Once you pop,
you can't stop." She laughs about it, but it's not funny.

I just wish she'd listen... I wish she'd care...