beloved

faster
2003-01-23 22:51:32 (UTC)

moving on

i guess i wonder when its a good time to realize that you're never
getting back together with someone because u have no idea
where they are and if ull ever seee them again..its like i feel like a
fool waiting around for something that will never happen
..assuming the person probably has bad feelings towards u but yet
u keep this spark of hope alive that one day they will literally walk
back into your life and everything will be like it was before,,happy
carefree young only this time u would give it 200% of your love
because u now realize how important this person is to you and
how much u actually need them in your life..its like i dont want to
get into another relationship just to take the place of this person
but i cant wait that long because i am impatient and i wonder if i
got into a relationship with someone else maybe it would make
them try to find me or make them jealous enough to find me..i
already feel old and i feel like my youth is passing me by and i
want to enjoy it and not be alone so if that person reads this please
come find me before i have to find someone to replace u because i
really dont want to find someone else but i feel lame now and if
someone asks me out or me them i cant be like im waiting for
something to happen and it never does and i fuck up another
potential relationship..i guess ill never get over it but i think i need
either need something real to make me believe theres still a
chance or to be able to move on..if i had an idea of when like hey
in september ill see u again then id be like hey cool ill wait but i
have no idea when or where this person is and if its going to be
within the next 5 months or 5 years..i really need to know and this
is something i think about daily and yes it does make me bitter and
frustrated because i want to know and its not like theres something
i can do to speed it up faster because if there was something i
would do it.. so if youre out there please i know u have to get this
im sure u know when u plan on coming back into my live but what
if i say fuck it im dating again and this person finds out i fucked
someone else and am seeing someone else then theyll never
want to see me
again..wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnn??can i at least have a month of hte
year??for him i would give up everything i guess i didnt expect that i really
would have to lose everything just to know how much i didnt have anything to
begin with except empty material possessions that are very cold to hold and
will never give me enough comfort in my lonley seclusion my life has become
with only hopes and a promise made..


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