theelbster

Day 2

I miss A. I'm taking this much better than I had expected
to, but I'm not really too happy about knowing that. I think
my heart's broken, not because she did something, but
because I've done something completely contrary to
everything I used to believe in, or still believe in. I
dunno.
For the first time, I am choosing to turn my back on and
not be friends with someone whom I still care very deeply
about. It goes back to how can something that feels so wrong
be right? I think I saw her jogging yesterday, and I really
wanted to call her, talk to her, whatever, but that would be
stalkerish. Pshaw.
Because my heart's been broken by my own choice, I'm not in
touch with my emotions. I'm sure that one day it's all going
to come out, but I don't know when that will be. I really
want to see her, talk to her, hold her. Pshaw. Instead, I'm
going to not be her friend at all, even though I feel STUPID
STUPID STUPID for choosing this, and I'm going to distract
myself by doing other things with other people. You'd think
I just broke up with someone, which I guess in a sense I
have, eh? more later.