pulchritude

9/14/01

Alright, I have to admit something. My parakeet, Reptar
(you will all soon come to find out I love the Rugrats) was
out yesterday. He is a new bird, so this was my first time
putting him away. It took me an hour to catch him and put
him back in his cage! So, I was running late to class. I
decided not to go, because I hate walking in late. Everyone
looks at you and you feel like a moron. I lied and told Ken
my class was canceled (sorry Glowi, I just couldn't do it.
I promise not to lie to you again!) I hate telling him when
I don't go to classes. He was such the perfect student
after all and I hate feeling like I'm not as good as a
student as he was. Is that bad? I always feel like I'm
competing with Ken... though I know our majors are polar
opposites and that science is a lot more difficult than a
social science. But I can't help it! I don't even like
discussing school with him because I don't want him to
think that I'm dumb for not getting the 4.0 or whatever
Magna Kum thing he got. I mean, I'm proud of him, and I
praise his accomplishments but SHEESH, what part of me can
excel like that?? I don't feel like I excel at anything to
that degree. School is very important to me, and I want to
learn all that I can, but sometimes I just don't want to
try that hard. I am a procrastinator! I like to leave some
things for the last minute. Like yesterday I started
working on a paper for psychology. I told Ken that I needed
to finish it at his house last night. Then he asked me when
it was due and I told him tomorrow. He laughed at me!! I
was mad. I wanted to say, "Don't laugh at me NERD BOY!" but
I didn't. Instead, I shook my cell phone until it turned
off. (It's already broken... I just needed an excuse to
hang up so that he wouldn't know how mad I was). He still
doesn't know that I was mad. I should have been able to
talk to him about what he said, explained my feelings.
But damn, sometimes I don't want to talk about my feelings,
I just want to have them, and then get on with my life. Too
many deep conversations on how I feel about a situation or
something that happened irritates me even more. And Ken is
notorious for always wanting to talk about every single
little thing that is going on in our lives to the fullest
depth he possibly can. It's one of the traits I love about
him, but hate at the same time because that is something I
lack and wish to become stronger at. Anyway, my whole point
to all this jibber jabber is that I didn't talk to anyone
in my Rockclimbing class because I didn't go.
I have a lot to say today, but I think I'll save it for the
next time I write.
Reminder to self: job and money, or lack of it talk.