My Place to Dish My Dirt
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2003-01-23 08:23:21 (UTC)

Bad Night

So, I'm 23 married and have a 2 1/2 yr old kid. Not to mention I was diagnosed with a heart condition last April, and my doctor still doesn't know what caused it.

So I'm having a bad night, as I can think about nothing else but how sick I feel, how depressed I am at knowing that I may never get better. My life has become so much more difficult, physically and emotionally.

Some days are fine, but nine times out of ten I'm probably feeling sick or extremely tired after walking half a block. Although I don't even weigh 110 lbs, its just my heart and lungs are having a very hard time functioning the way most peoples do. But, most people wouldn't know it by just looking at me. That's why I think my faily has an easier time forgetting that life isn't as easy for me as it is for them.

What's worse the person I should be able to count on the most, my husband, is usually the worst out of all of them. He doesn't seem to comprehend the words "I don't feel well." He is either just plain stupid, ignorant, or just a complete jerk. Which always makes me wonder why I'm even still with him. In all honesty I really don't know. I have very few really feelings for him left. Especially after he walked out on me and our daughter a month and a half after I was diagnosed and released from the hospital after a weeks stay for immediate treatment of my illness. He was such a jerk during our last arguments that he even said to me to stop trying to make him feel sorry for me by bringing up the fact that I'm sick. Wow, as if all I had was a cold. He left me alone, with no way of providing for myself or my daughter. And for some idiotic reason I'm still with him. I can still hear his words.

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