Dahlia

Dahlia's Journal
2003-01-23 05:03:25 (UTC)

Crimson tears

I can't keep doing this. I feel like I'm dying but it
won't end. I feel like I'll be like this forever. I don't
want to be alone. I can't take it. I can't stand the
thought of going to bed every single night knowing that no
one will share my bed with me, knowing that there's no one
to hold, that there's no one to wake up next to. I can't
stand loving a ghost of my past and always wishing for my
past back. I can't have it back, but I can't get over it.
I try SO FUCKING HARD but my ghosts keep haunting me. I
just want someone to be there. I don't need a
commitment... just someone who cares. Even a little. I
just don't want to be alone. I can't do it. I try, but I
can't do it. I can't continue keeping this blade as my
best friend. I can't continue dragging this damned thing
across my flesh and watching the blood flow down my arms.
This blade... this friend... She's going to release me.
I can't do this. I can't. I just want someone to realize
I EXIST. If no one cares, then why should I? I don't see
a point. There's no purpose. Let the blood flow...

o/~ I wanna bleed
Show the world all that I have inside
I wanna scream
Let the blood flow that keeps me alive o/~

I love that song... I'm crying now. I really should stop
doing that. I'm not supposed to cry. Never again. No one
else will have the pleasure of seeing my tears. One is
enough. Never again. The blood will have to suffice.
Pretend this flowing from my wrists are crimson tears.




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