Helplessly_Lost

Trying to get back to normal.

Sept, 14th. 2001.

Last night, well to be exact 4:27 this morning, I woke up
screaming from a sound sleep. I was only sleeping for an
hour, which btw is better then the last two nights.

I held onto my pillow tightly. I thought the thunder were
bombs falling and hitting us. It's a horrific feeling to
feel. I was so scared.

These last three days have been the most dramatic days for
me. I have been literally sick to my stomach. A piece of
toast is what I have had in the last 3 days.

I have so much hurt inside. Its turning into rage. I can't
control it. I feel like scremaing and doing something. Maybe
that's what I should do, just let out the loudest scream.

They finally found my bestfriend here in NY's uncle. He's
alive, thank the gods. I've actually ventured out yesterday.
I bought a bunch of books on Wicca and Yoga and even a
Christian Bible. I'm trying to find myself. I have been,
what I feel denial about my true self.

I went around and collect clothes for the firefighters. They
need boots and sock desperately! They're standing on metal
beams which are so hot they are burning off the soles of the
boots. But, some people can be so cruel. This one lady who I
was EXTRA polite to, slammed the door in my face and said
that, and I QUOTE...'You ( as in me ) cuaght me ( as in her
) off guard!' It amazes me at the fucking pricks we have in
the world. I have seen New Yorkers comming together in ways
NOBODY would even imagine were possible. Now this upset me
to a new level that I went home and just threw up.

These are people that risk their lives for people and she
was cuaght off guard ? Human beings can be cold and
heartless.......but those that are like that in a time of
crisis should NOT be consider human beings! Animals have
more compasion then this LEECH does. I call her a leech
becuase she is a leech on life. She and I mean this, should
be in the same shoes as the firefighters. Then let me hear
her say what she said. All others that I went to actually
cared. Many broke down in tears. They didn't have family
there, but in a way, they did.

So as I babble on, let me let you know I now must go. I am
still trying to raise clothes for those brave ones out
there. For all you aAmericans that read this, hold your head
high, smile. For you are also hero's. Out there watching
this from your homes. Struck with fear and pain. Please,
donate if you can to the Red Cross. Your prayers will also
be of great importance. Together we stand strong, but alone
we will fall. Each individual American is an important part
of this. We are living history.

~Elizabeth