A New Hope
2003-01-22 19:14:03 (UTC)

Who would you rather be?

"xShallowwatersxx: :-..I missed you
l GeekStink l: I missed you too."

I'm finding that hard to belive.
I don't think she missed me at all.
I don't think she even gave my existance a second thought.
I think, if I pissed offline, and never came back, she
wouldn't care. I think if I killed myself, she wouldn't

I think if she agrees with this, she should just tell me.

I was in my room, yesterday... thinking about my future.
About who I want to spend it with. My conclusion was
Rachel. But I sat down and thought to myself "OMG!.. i
never thought I would do that.. I never thought I would
think about a future, even a short one, with someone else"
I never thought I'd have to do that. I thought I'd be with
Rachel, always. I know she never had much faith in me, or
us. But I thought if I got over there, then the doubt would
fade away.

I always had this idea, in my head.. where rach just needed
someone, to be with her, to touch, and I couldn't be, so
that's why she dumped me. So she could see someone else,
who was over there, up until I managed to get over there.
In fact.. she told me herself, that she dumped me, because
I wasn't over there, and she needed a physical
relationship. As much as I'd like to hold on to that ideal,
I can't protect myself from the truth forever. I want
Rachel to tell me she dumped me for brandall. I want her to
say, that the reason she dumped me, was for brandall, and
that she never valued our relationship as much as she made
out to.
Well, i don't WANT her too, but.. what I WANT, is to hear
the truth. If that's it, and I suspect it is... then it's
what I want to hear.

One question - the the popularity of people who read this
When you've been in a relationship for a year, do you
think, "I'm bored now, move on". Or "Hmm.. I've stayed in
this relatiship for a year, wouldn't it be nice to have it
for another year?".

No, no.. you don't have to ALL go to the trouble of sending
me an e-mail, or post a message in reply. That's a question
for you to think about, in your head.