My diary (Ooh i'm so creative)
2001-09-14 08:10:43 (UTC)

damn this all to hell...

Dammit...I'm feeling like shit right now...Lately all I've
been doing is crying...I hate that...I'm not really happy
being me right now...and although I can't admit it to
anyone its all because of frigan Mark (my old best friend
and the guy I stufed everything up with by sleeping with
him)...I don't know why I'm not over it yet...I wish I was just so perfect that night...and now its just seems that I was so close to having him
and its as if I've lost him...and to be so close and feel
his body against share his feel his
hands on my hear him whisper in my was
just right....and now everything is all fucked
up...its fucked up big time.

I don't know how to be a better person for him, I don't
know how to make him want me the way I want him so badly. I
wish i did....I wish I could make him happy.

Tears are becoming a little too regular...its like they
don't mean anything anymore...I wonder what he'd think if
he knew how often I cry about him...its just...everytime I
see dunno how to put it....but my body
aches for him...god dammit I sound gay.

He always used to say how all of the guys want me...they
all admire me or desire me in its obviously
not true....cause he doesn't want me in anyway...its almost
as if he got what he wanted and then thats it...."fuck you
Isobelle...I don't even want to be your friend any
more...thanks for the sex....I don't care if it meant
something to you...cause it was just fucking to me, so have
a nice life....leave me alone...and stop looking at me all
the time" He wouldn't say that...but it feels that way.

Well I've had enough feeling sorry for myself - I'm going
to get going - See ya

"If I could win your heart, you'd let me in your heart, I'd
be so happy baby...(next bit that doesn't really come
next!) If I could taste your kiss there'd be no sweeter
bliss heaven could offer" - Tim Mcgraw and Faith Hill -
Just to hear you say that you love me