Kim

Cosmic Rain
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2003-01-22 14:45:44 (UTC)

Pinkle is a weirdo................. finsscsssss

So I'm a wierdo. I'll accept that. I pay too much attention
to the weather. I pay too much attention to a web page. Oh
and here is that web page I pay too much attetion to.

http://www.esb.act.gov.au/media/bushfire.htm

Because it really is shocking to be too concerned. To care.
It's weird. Bloody weird infact. And it's normal, very
normal to ignore such concern and care. It's what everyone
does right???

I'm sorry, but I'm not understanding that too well. I
seriously don't get it. Even if it is joked about. Sorry,
but that fucking hurt. Only the week before there's been
this wonderful little contact of nearly 3 nights in a row.
When she asked if I minded I thought hell no. I honestly
didn't because I care for her and it's nice to just be able
to talk still, even after having a break up...I cherish
still having her in my life. She made a huge impact in my
life and I still love her.

Then an extreme situation happens where I thought someone I
actually do love and care about might get hurt or even
worse or might lose a home. God knows. And in that extreme
situation I knew things would be topsy turvy. All over the
place. I wasn't expecting to be told every detail. And the
relief I felt when I did get through to her was
overwhelming. And i cried before it. I cried after. Because
that not knowing is fucking scary. I felt all that
heaviness back again like I felt when things ended. And
when she called Sunday to say she was fine I appreciated it
so much. But it was brief, but I thought then give the
space because there would be so much to sort out after the
Saturday and spend time with folks. And i didn't wanna be
in the way too much. But I didn't expect my contact to be
ignored.

What the fuck is up with ignoring emails?
What the fuck is with ignoring sms's?

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT???

Here I was thinking that the mobile phone still had
problems. And the reason for my not getting through on
Monday night when I called because the power might have
gone back off. But it was on. I understand sms's are slow
at the moment. Traffic is a little jammed. But I still
don't see why that stops ONE sms. Just one to say got your
email. Just some sort of acknowledgement.

Yes, I'm mad. Read this and know I'm mad. Mad that I care
so fucking much for you and you joke about ignoring me.
Heck, was it even a joke? What the hell is wrong with
you???? When did you lose consideration for peoples
feelings??? Fuck PMS!!!!! Doesn't it register why a weirdo
like me would try and keep up on what is happening in
Canberra. Specially since this weekend is gonna be hot too.
Doesn't it click that I fucking care about you???? Did that
go out the window?? Fuck me for being a weirdo and for
caring. Obviously they are wasted traits. Fuck the worry I
have felt all these days.

I would have talked about this on the phone. Maybe not as
expressive as this. But bit hard to do that when you have
guests. And then after my guest left it all just hit me.
And I didn't really believe it. I don't care if this seems
like an over melodramatic act or it's harsh It's not an
act. It's the sort of reaction you get when you love and
care for someone and it gets rubbed into your face as if
it's shit. And the more angrier I am about it is because
the more I care.

So I'm leaving it. I'm not gonna sms or call or email for a little
bit. For I see no point to it right now. If you wanna call me weird
then fine. But at least I give a fuck.


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